Day 30 – Another Mission Accomplished

Finally!!! The challenge is over and I can have my own blogging break 🙂 My second attempt to the 30 day blog challenge is mission accomplished. However, I must admit that I have a number of regrets of not taking this seriously. I made a number of lousy posts. I wrote mostly about negativities and I kept emphasizing of my self-perceived pathetic life. My spirits are down and I know that I have no one to blame but myself.  My number one dilemma has been the bills that have piled up. I finally faced this problem and hopefully, my plans will push through. Before I turn 30, my wish is that I’m finally debt free. If not, I should already be halfway settled with all my bills.

When I did the 30 day blog challenge here and in my other blog, I found myself in the midst of another challenge. Two of the firsts in my life; stepping to another country and my dream international research presentation were both successfully documented here. I must admit though that I was expecting another miracle and blessing as I undertake the challenge. I was secretly wishing for another opportunity that would perk up my sad and lazy self. But this time, nothing arrived. I was disappointed but I believe God wanted something else for me. With or without a blessing, He wanted me to learn to stand up for myself now.

Incidentally, as I write this post I took a leave from work. I never planned this, I swear! The last day of the challenge landed on my much needed leave from work. The weird thing is I took a leave from work even though I don’t have errands to attend. I just wanted a break. I just wanted to wake up without the pressure of snoozing my alarm clock. I have my weekends but for some reason, I felt they are not enough.

Before I chronicle another rant again, allow me to recall some of the few good and bad things.. Hopefully the good news can at least cover up for my negativities

Bad news: Two of my previous freelance clients still left me hanging in the tree of uncertainty

Good news:  I still have two pending freelance works which has really been testing my strength.

Bad news: I’m in debt…

Good news: I won a pair of shades, which I vowed to never purchase. Soon, I will be receiving additional allowance from my hardworked stint as a part time educator

Bad news:  I’ve been accumulating unread books in my room. I felt disappointed because  I’m not like this before. I don’t do book shopping unless I have nothing to read.

Good news: I gave away some of them to some friends, who can become better owners.

Bad news:  I wrote how I felt when some students chose to complain to my direct supervisor, while they all have the means to communicate with me.

Good news: I think the issue was already settled. I explained my side during one of our classes. We also moved on to the actual contents of the course. We’re done with the review lectures

Bad news: I allowed myself to enter another story of false hopes.

Good news: I still have proof have my heart still beats. I’m normal and a perfectly imperfect human.

Bad news: I had an encounter with a colleague and almost their entire department.

Good news: I was given the opportunity to stand up for myself. I have proven to some people that I am silently deadly in the inside.  (with one of my eye brows  raised)

Bad news: I remained as the silent and neglected rank and file employee.

Good news: I don’t have positions and achievements to boast off. But I have priceless and hard earned respect and honesty in my hands.

There you go, I would like to believe that I didn’t make another lousy and lazy post again.

Before I finally end this post, allow me to share a photo I took as soon as I  woke up this morning

Bad news: I still have my noisy neighbor

Good news: The beautiful sky and Instagram can make our humble place look like a piece of heaven on earth.

There’s still sunshine. There’s always another day.

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Day 29 – Achievement

How many times have I mentioned of this simple principle to success. Most of the self help and inspirational books I read often attribute success to a dream.  The capability to dream is always the first step in becoming successful. Knowing what and where do you want to go and later making all means to that destination are the key requisites to success.

I believe in the principle but in actual life, I never abide with it… This doesn’t mean though that I don’t have dreams. Who doesn’t have one? As I’m writing this post, the dream that lingers on my head is TO GET RICH! Call me shallow and materialistic but that’s what I want now. Perhaps it’s because I paid my bills a while ago and I felt disheartened of the years I have to spend settling my debts. In like manner, I was awaken by the very slim savings account I have. Phew!  Aside from becoming rich, I’ve always wanted to be a respected and humble academic researcher, who receives publications and all those international paper presentation invites. But as of now, this dream is far from reality.

I currently work for the Corporate Planning Office of a school. One thing I learned from my job  is the importance of planning for the entire institution. After knowing what the organization wants to achieve, plans are drafted, printed and submitted to the president.  This job gave me another set of significant learnings.

Corporate Planning teaches us that successful organizations know how to write their dreams and later turn them to reality.  As I’m reviewing the company’s plans, I noticed a significant number of loopholes. Not to insult my employer who is responsible for my livelihood, but I believe this is a mistake common to all organizations.  I found some activities and projects unnecessary for the achievement of one objective. Some offices have this habit of plotting programs and activities that don’t really contribute something significant to the organization.  This has been one of the sources of our office’s headache. We later found that one of the main reasons why we don’t observe that much needed progress is because the path made to the company’s dream wasn’t the right one. We are making roads that lead to nowhere.

When I looked back at myself,  I realized that much of what happened at work is reflected on me.  Did I just got infected? Or was I the one who brings the plague to the company? In any case, having a concrete dream is already my dilemma. I don’t know exactly what I want to happen in my life. The only thing clear to me now is the need to extend my financial resources. As to making my dream happen, it’s another subject I fail. How can someone who is always late, stressed, tired and weary will have a happy and endowed life? How can I be happy and fulfilled if  all I wanted was to lounge in bed and doze off from all the nuisance of the world?

Day 28 – Things that still make me happy

I’ve been contributing a lot of negativities in the blogosphere over the past days. To finally stop this vicious cycle, I’ll be writing some of the things that kept and reminded me to continuously hold on over the past days

  1. My family – Quiet weekends with the family is one blessing that I learned to appreciate when I started working. Having been exhausted during the work week, having meals with them, watching TV and sharing those stories after dinner are few of life’s greatest blessings I will always cherish.
  2. Freelance work – My current freelance works are testing me to the fullest. It’s way out of my comfort zone and I’m still learning to unknot the ropes of complications. However, knowing that they are both income and learning opportunities, I should then be grateful enough for having such work.
  3. Cold and rainy weather – The headaches I gain from excessive worrying will surely elevate if the temperature is higher. Good thing, the weather is starting to cool down. The colder temperature is very conducive to my much needed sleep and rest.
  4. Good food – I indulged myself with great food over the weekend. I had homemade nachos for the weekend. On Sunday, I met Client 2 and I dropped by SM Megamall to satisfy my belly cravings. I had my favorite Mochi balls (this makes me crave now) and I finally tried Pepper Lunch for the first time.
  5. Blogging – I started blogging back when I started working. At that time however, I never realized the potential it can bring. Most of them are just online friends, but they are still friends anyway.  Some of my relatives found me here in the blogosphere and I met a couple of friends over the past months as well.

Day 27 – Another Manic Monday

It’s a Monday and I again started the week with another tardiness record. Hooray! Just when my boss told me that my attendance record improved in May, I damaged it again on June. During the weekends I told myself that July marks a new start. It’s a whole new month and a chance to finally clear my attendance. Much to my dismay, I destroyed another attempt to remove my blemished timekeeping report.

Back during the weekends, I would like to believe that I was able to accomplish a number of tasks. I was able to check papers and I finally discussed some things with my Client. To which I realized, meeting her was better than those usual phone call conversations. I now know better how to handle the project. My only wish is that this will soon be over. More importantly, Client will pass her defense and I WILL FINALLY GET PAID. For those who have read my previous posts, you are more or less familiar of how I played catch-me-if-you-can with some clients.

Right now, I’m in the office and sorting out things for my evening class. For some reason, my afternoon class really exhausted me today. Must be because of the fact that I was writing the entire time I was lecturing. Up to this date, the supposedly helpful LCD projector is still down…. It’s not that I can’t teach without a presentation. It’s just that things will be easier if I have ready made visual aids, especially whenever I deal with graphs and illustrations.

I still have numerous things to accomplish in my list… Sigh…

 Wishing everyone a great week ahead.

Day 24 – Quarter life Crisis?

Yesterday was supposed to be my pre-weekend breather. My teaching schedule is over and I’m usually more relaxed on Thursdays and Fridays. However, things haven’t gotten really better.

Just before the day ended I was contemplating on the bills I have to pay. It’s only now that I realized that I should be devising a smart way and a supreme sacrifice to settle them. Otherwise, I will be forever in the blackhole of debt. My only prayer is that I will never be placed in a situation where I need to leave my job. That will be the start of my calvary to suffering and death.

After finally waking up that I need to tighten my financial belt, I suddenly felt sad…. The thing is I have been battling this  sadness disease lately. There are days when I finally feel blue and melancholy. After some time, it will elevate and mutate to sadness. Just last night before I left the office, my occassional sadness syndrome attacked me again. As I was riding the train, I can almost feel that I’m near to crying. But I was able to hold back my tears. It’s payday and I should be happy because my favorite brands are holding the end of season sale. For the first time however, these things failed to uplift my down spirits. It used to be that a little shopping can cure my seasonal sadness. However, this time, everything felt different. I’m sad and I can’t imagine anyone or anything to make me feel better.

Was it because of the bills to pay? I agree  to a certain extent. But over the years, I believed that I have learned to handle debt as a deterrent to happiness. But now, the situation feels so different.  Perhaps this is what they call as quarter life crisis. I don’t know but it’s the nearest thing I can relate with.