Forced Farewell

Almost 10 years in the same office

8 years of living in the same workstation

Before the last quarter of 2010, I received an offer to move to another office. Same workplace, different department. At that time, I had no clear plans of leaving the workplace. I just finished my masteral studies and was starting to take part time teaching stints. With the way things are going, I’m most likely to transition to teaching for a better career. But life made other plans, I accepted an offer to move from research to strategic planning.

It was the company’s first attempt to establish a stand alone strategic planning team. With the leadership of my superior, we were able to establish a two-member planning team. We built the office and expanded by adopting another function. We added another colleague and till the end, our office spearheaded a corporate responsibility work with a three-man team.

I thought I had everything from our office. I had my lowest points, which started in 2015.  I began to develop frustrations. I felt sad. I felt pathetic. I wanted to escape. I struggled accomplishing my tasks, while battling all my sadness and disappointments. Like any other employee, I made all means to survive. This included having discrete efforts of looking for employment opportunities. Nothing optimistic prospered. After a year of job search, I stopped and gradually conditioned myself that I’m meant to stay in my stagnant post. I should be contented with my current position, even if it meant the absence of career growth.

In order to cope with my career growth struggles, I entertained myself on weekends and started to build opportunities outside my day job. Freelance works came as a dual blessing. It diverted me from all my frustrations. It gravitated my self worth. I found a creative outlet for my other interests. Best of all, it gave me the opportunity to earn additional income.

On the summer of 2019, something disheartening happened. I will spare details for may safety and sanity. It’s not yet the best time to relate my story.  The best I can reveal, I was forced to battles I never wanted.

On June 2019, I was taken out of my comfort zone. I took the position of leading the humble Office we started.

It’s career growth and advancement. It means additional income for my family. It’s a good opportunity to save and settle all my debts. I have all the best reasons to embrace the new job offer. Most people will never understand my sentiments. I never wanted the post. I never imagined to get promoted. I don’t see myself in the leadership. But there are things beyond my control. I took the helm and forcefully embraced all the battles that came with it.

People who don’t know my real side of the story were quick to create their version of my story. They thought I took advantage and benefited. They thought I’m enjoying my time. But deep inside, all I wanted was to return to my stagnant post. It made me realize, having silence, stillness and being unnoticed is pure bliss.

Fast forward today, I hired a colleague out of necessity. With the new colleague on board I wrapped up my 8-year stay in that humble workstation.

I’m overpowered with emotions. And while I wrestle with everything inside me, I have works to accomplish. I have deadlines to beat. I have debts to pay. I have a future to prepare. I have aging parents and a special brother fully dependent on me.

I was about to leave, I can’t help but look my post in the last 8 years.

I just wish to return to the good old days. I wish everything was simpler. I wanted my quiet life back.

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