It was just another day

Yesterday, while everyone has been engrossed over the rare appearance of the Blue Moon, I quietly traveled home feeling melancholy. It was supposedly a great day at work because a colleague celebrated her birthday and we had a sumptuous lunch. Added to this, I don’t have evening classes. It’s one of the rare times I was able to reach home early.    Unfortunately, I had another sadness and frustration episode again. Blame everything on the contents of my Facebook newsfeed. In some days, my newsfeed is like poison that attacks the immune system of my emotional well being.

I work for a relatively small organization. It’s an institution where everybody knows everybody, especially among the segment of my fellow support staff. It has it’s own advantages because getting the job done meant dealing with lesser number of people. On the flip side, office politics is easily felt among the ranks. I have been both a silent witness and victim of people who promoted and ventured in this system. What’s worst, the people, who once told me how much they hate politics, have become its perfect ambassadors.

Yesterday, I chanced a post from someone whom I thought as my friend. The post was proof that being loyal to a powerful force can really be advantageous. It can take you to places, money and different forms of material wealth. I initially thought I’m just bitter, envious and another sore loser. After some time, I realised some unhealed wounds are starting to live again. The pain came after and soon enough, I found myself in tears.

Many years ago, I was always afraid of work. Even now that I’m seeking for new job opportunities, I’m frightened of the new environment and responsibilities. In my more than a decade of working, I realised that work eventually becomes manageable over time. You struggle, learn and eventually discover how to untie the challenges of the accomplishing the work. Beyond the task involved on each work, it’s the people and culture that come with it become the real source of struggle.

I’m not a perfect employee. I have tardiness records. I steal office hours lurking over my social media accounts. There were days when I extend my breaks to accomplish personal errands. While I have imperfections, I compensate for productivity, honesty and service beyond expectations. Modesty aside, no one can accuse me of not delivering my responsibilities. And even without support for trainings and development, I find ways to learn new things and improve the quality of my reports. I even render overtime without pay, even when it meant reporting on weekends.

While I don’t expect the management to compensate my hardwork, the least I wanted to happen is to witness how some people gain as a result of holding on to a powerful individual. This brings me, an unfortunate reality at the workplace is that, loyalty is always rewarded and hardwork will most likely be discarded.

Unfortunately, the concept of loyalty I’m dealing with here, does not lean on the honourable side. It’s full surrender to someone who can provide them gains, without experiencing the real hardwork. What these people fail to realize, there’s something beyond the gains. It’s that sense of accomplishment that I have worked hard for everything I have. But no matter how much I emphasize this thought, some things just work out that way. Bad people are always part of every life story.

Then again, this was just another day when life reminded me of some painful realities. Painful enough to make me lose my diminishing self-esteem and further demoralize my demotivated self.


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