Lost. Confused.Pathetic.

Bottomline, unhappy.

I’ve been struggling almost a year. Everything still boils down to the state of my career life. How to find happiness when

  1. You are facing the dead end at the workplace. No more promotional opportunities available. No more chance to increase salary.
  2. Being betrayed by people you trusted for the longest time
  3. Surrounded by ungrateful people and as of typing this, I want to break someone into pieces.But I know I can’t, and will never.
  4. Deteriorating professional relationships
  5. people you once looked up to, but at the end of the day, were also eaten up by the workplace politics

No matter how I look at it, I’m on the losing end.

For the longest time, I’ve been avoiding accessing this blog. I’m about to make another recurring pathetic post as soon as I logged in here.

I have this habit of over-analyzing situations and later, wallowing in the misery attributed to it.

At the end of each day, I try to process everything. I came to a point when I discredit my own sentiments. Maybe I’m the one who needed to be fixed. Maybe it all boils down on me. In my effort to make myself believe that it’s only me to blame,  I end up blaming myself again.

I’m not sure how long I will survive this struggle. Every week I’m crying. There’s this one day when I will cry myself to sleep.

Call it envy, but it doesn’t surely help when I discover the success of my friends and former colleagues in other companies. While they are having the time of their lives, while they are building up more milestones, here am I…. wallowing in misery, feeling useless and worthless.

I just made a very disorganized post. Perfect example of how I feel now.