Before February ends

I almost allowed February to pass without a blog post. I have been occupied with freelance works lately. The freelance works have been helping in paying the bills and covering up for unexpected purchases. I was able to finally replace my inefficient mobile phone. Now I know how it feels to have a mobile phone that can easily attach, download and view documents. Added to this a clearer view of photos from my social media accounts. 🙂

I’m flooded with freelance works, setting aside my day job. At some point, I feel that my day job is suffering because I end up feeling so sleepy every time I report for work. But the true casualty of my desire to earn more is my health. The colds that don’t seem to go away. The excessive coke and junk food intake. Aside from the challenge to become financially independent, this is another battle I have to win.

A few days ago, I got a threatening email from my credit company. I was compelled to pay my pending balance in the soonest possible time. I didn’t feel threatened. I felt insulted and disrespected. Prior to the email, I was aware of my inability to settle my account balance. I overlooked the due date and admitted that it was an honest mistake on my end. I even called up the company to relate my case. I requested that the late payment fee be waived, since I already paid my  balance upon realizing my mistake. I was instructed to wait a few more days because my payment hasn’t been posted. So I thought everything is doing well. But with the arrival of the threatening email, I felt the other party disregarding our previous conversation. For the company, this may sound as another case of miscommunication or system error. But for customers like me, the impact is nothing but an unpleasant experience.

The case has been resolved now. If there’s anything good that this inconvenience brought me, it’s the awakening about my financial independence. One morning, I woke up bothered with all the bills to pay. I have to do something. Then again it dawned on me, how? My earnings from my day job will never be enough. The freelance works has to do it. Sometimes, I wish that I’l just win the lottery. It will resolve everything and I can start a new life again. The probability that will happen is 0.0000000000001 %. Hahaha I have to pay for everything the hardest and painful way.

A month ago, I watched this film starred by Vilma Santos and Angel Locsin. Me and my friend burst out laughing when Vilma Santos reminded Angel Locsin about financial independence. Vilma emphasized at the age of 30, one should be debt free and on the path of building wealth. Sure enough, I died. How I wish some Vilma Santos will come to  my life and handle my financial struggles.

Back before the past year ended, I became an active jobseeker. I finally got an interview to one of my dream companies. On the way for the entrance examination, I was thinking of my separation pay. Should I get hired to my dream company, I can start a new life. I can use my separation pay to settle the credit card bills. I have a new job. My self-esteem will be back. Everything will be fine again. I got so ambitious. I didn’t pass the employment examination. I’m still on the same company.

The rare times I join meetings and social gatherings, I always feel belittled. These people around me, I keep wondering about their financial state. I have this feeling that I’m the most financially messed up person in the place. I admit, I sometimes feel that this financial struggle is robbing me off my self-esteem.

Life may not be good for me … financially.  I’m messed up. And while I’m still trying to work things out, I still have one thing to thank for. #Family It’s Sunday night and I treated everyone for pizza delivery. We love Yellow Cab’s Dear Darla pizza and spicy chicken wings. I feel more than enough when I see my family enjoying the simplest things I can afford.

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2 thoughts on “Before February ends

  1. I can relate to you about asking myself how much my contemporaries are earning. How they are able to own an expensive phone and drink an expensive coffee is beyond me, or afford a to ride a taxi despite the traffic. HOW?! LOL But anyway, you are not alone with this struggle Diane. 🙂 But I can see that you’re doing a good job with your finances.

  2. “I have this feeling that I’m the most financially messed up person in the place.” — feeling mo lang ‘yan. You’d absolutely shiver pag kinwento ko sa iyo ang mga true-to-life stories related to money that I am privy to.

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