Confused

Just when I have the drive to write, the internet connection is not cooperating. I hate to admit it but I’m starting to feel agitated. If you can only hear the strokes I made on my laptop’s keyboard. It’s a clear sound of unnecessary frustration. Haha Let’s see where this inconvenience and test of patience will take me.

I have started to become “open” about my career plans. To be more precise, my current struggle of whether to leave or stay with my current company. I have been praying for signs. I think I heard answers in various forms. But more often than not, these answers gave me nothing but another set of puzzle to work with. In short, I’m getting more confused. All the more I feel nervous, uneasy, restless and burdened, I should say. Things have become complicated for me. I’ve consulted a number of friends. One friend posted me the question,

do you think that staying will become more beneficial for you?

Sh*t, I’m caught. She further told me that if she were in my shoes, she would most likely leave and accept the recent job offer. Speaking of the job offer, I’m scheduled for final interview tomorrow. I was shortlisted for a job opportunity, guess where? To another school, a semi-competitor of my current employer. Just look how destiny is playing on me.

This is the first time I’m admitting it. The prospective school is nice. Unfortunately, I have limited information about the working environment and even though I can consider them as competitor. I have no personal issues against them. But sadly, I don’t see myself working for this prospective institution. Call it intuition or whatever, I don’t feel like I would eventually belong in their institution.

I sound unfair because this prospective institution has done nothing wrong against me. In fact, they even rescheduled my final interview. Truth to be told, I have backed out from the application already. But the HR staff was so persistent. Out of sheer kindness, I felt obliged. But deep inside, my heart feels otherwise.

Before the week ended, I talked to another friend. My selfishness and hardheadedness gained a friend. She got my point. I have nothing against schools. In fact if you wish for work-life balance, schools can serve as the best employers. But the thing is, if you want career growth, advancement, promotion and increasing income, schools may not be your best option. The problem with most schools as employers is that the organizational structure is relatively flat, as compared to other companies. Most of the time, the hierarchy is limited to

president – vice president – manager – staff

At least in other companies, you can observe levels or hierarchies. In my case, I have been a staff for more than a decade. I have reached the highest possible rank for my post. I’m on the dead end. There’s no other place for me to go. If I go to the corporate sector the structure could have been

president – vice president – assistant vice president – manager – officer – staff

and sometimes, the ladder of hierarchy can even increase.

This is one major reason why I wanted to venture to companies in the corporate sector. If I will transfer to another school, it’s good as I’m possibly depriving myself of gaining this opportunity. On the contrary, if I will disregard the possible employment in another school, I might be endangering myself. I’m not getting any younger and by that, it meant that I’m beginning to become less attractive to future employers.

Everything is becoming complicated for me now. Over the past weeks, I felt tired of all the job search efforts I’ve been making. Probably because I’m not yet ready to leave. Probably because I haven’t found my perfect match. I’m exhausted. Part of me is saying maybe I should take a break for a while especially since my favorite time of the year is coming. I should take a break and start all over again next year.

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