These futile attempts

A few weeks or almost a month ago, I made a decision. I have to leave. I have to move on. I have to look for another place to build my career.

As always, the classic saying that things are easier said than done is happening now.

I lost count on how many job applications I made. I started last June of this year. It has been almost four months of nothing but uncertainty. I’ve attended interviews from five companies. One is still on status quo, another employment opportunity in a school. Looks promising but deep inside, I’m half-hearted accepting the opportunity. I don’t feel home entering the premises of the said school. Part of me tells me, I don’t belong here.

On this day, I attended an exam and interview to a government owned bank. The experience was way better than my past interviews and examinations. Although when I left the premises of the building, part of me feels that I will never make it. Added to this, God perhaps showed me something I have to consider. I saw an old colleague working for the company. I was reading the in house publications around and saw a familiar name. Not that I had a bad history with this colleague. It’s just that part of me wishes that I could start a new career in a totally new world, where everyone is a stranger.

All these attempts gave me the same ending. Should I really leave? I’m being held back again.

If I will not leave, I have to embrace the fact that nothing much in my career advancement will happen. No salary increase. No more promotional opportunities.

If I will leave, Ā I have to understand that the 10 years I had in the academe will be set aside and thrown away. There will be a new working environment to learn.

I’m torn. Over the past few days I was telling myself, maybe I should stop this job search attempts until the year ends. My application to this government agency should be my last. I already feel tired. Maybe I should just enjoy my favorite time of the year for a while. When 2016 comes, that’s when I have to accelerate my shift to my career plans.

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5 thoughts on “These futile attempts

  1. Hi Diane, I’ve been reading your blog for 3 hours now and I told myself that I should probably drop a comment here for you to read. Finally, I found a WordPress blog that I can relate to. I’m also an ordinary rank and file employee like you who happens to love writing plus some other things that I won’t mention anymore. You’ll know if you read my blog. I’ve bookmarked your site by the way. I love how you write. šŸ™‚

    -Z

    • Hi Dawn! šŸ™‚ Allow me to call you Dawn because I personally love that name.

      First of all, thank you for reading my blog. You don’t know how it made me happy. All the more I felt happy because you left a comment. I rarely get visitors and readers here so whenever I receive one, it is more than enough to make my day. I don’t know if you have sense it but I’m not at the best point in my life now. One thing I’m thankful though, my family is fine. And like you, I share the sentiments of still being very dependent to our mom. The 30 year old grown up in me cannot imagine life without her. Just the thought of losing her is enough to make me cry.

      When you said that you have been reading me for the last 3 hours, I felt like I had company here. I felt like I gained a good listener, which I badly needed these days. Thank you! Thank you so much.

      Glad to have found another rank and file employee who loves writing šŸ™‚ I hope to know you better too starting from your blog. And who knows we can become friends albeit online

      • Diane, I hope everything will turn out right one of these days for you. I seldom drop a comment to a blog post because funny as it may seem, I am always lost for words. How do you tell someone that she can moved a reader through her words? This is exactly what your blog did to me that’s why you are worthy of a comment. Keep writing. You have a follower in me. šŸ™‚

  2. I have a new name then! šŸ™‚ So call me Chiqui, Zara or Dawn, it does not matter. If truth be told, I found your blog site while googling Anthology shoes and the rest is history. It was love at first read, ang corny! hehe. I love the idea of us being friends here. *handshake*

    • Your words made my day. Thank you! Just what I needed because as you can sense it, life has bot been so good to me. As for the anthology shoes, it’s only now that i realized that i stopped making “useful” posts. Most of the time, my blog posts are about me and sad self. Thank you again. And yes, I’m returning the handshake with a friendly hug šŸ™‚

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