A few weeks or almost a month ago, I made a decision. I have to leave. I have to move on. I have to look for another place to build my career.
As always, the classic saying that things are easier said than done is happening now.
I lost count on how many job applications I made. I started last June of this year. It has been almost four months of nothing but uncertainty. I’ve attended interviews from five companies. One is still on status quo, another employment opportunity in a school. Looks promising but deep inside, I’m half-hearted accepting the opportunity. I don’t feel home entering the premises of the said school. Part of me tells me, I don’t belong here.
On this day, I attended an exam and interview to a government owned bank. The experience was way better than my past interviews and examinations. Although when I left the premises of the building, part of me feels that I will never make it. Added to this, God perhaps showed me something I have to consider. I saw an old colleague working for the company. I was reading the in house publications around and saw a familiar name. Not that I had a bad history with this colleague. It’s just that part of me wishes that I could start a new career in a totally new world, where everyone is a stranger.
All these attempts gave me the same ending. Should I really leave? I’m being held back again.
If I will not leave, I have to embrace the fact that nothing much in my career advancement will happen. No salary increase. No more promotional opportunities.
If I will leave, I have to understand that the 10 years I had in the academe will be set aside and thrown away. There will be a new working environment to learn.
I’m torn. Over the past few days I was telling myself, maybe I should stop this job search attempts until the year ends. My application to this government agency should be my last. I already feel tired. Maybe I should just enjoy my favorite time of the year for a while. When 2016 comes, that’s when I have to accelerate my shift to my career plans.