Sad Friday

I gained another reason to leave.

I have written my experiences with my documentation project here and here. The highlight of my 11 years in the company can be summarized in the outcome of that project. The Big Boss above heard my prayers. My project became a successful endeavor. The panel of assessors and the Highest Office in the Country gave my employer the award. We did it! On my silent times, I did it! This is one of the rare times that I can say to myself, I have done something good in my life.

I learned the great news last Monday. I was on leave ….. because I was called for a job interview. My Boss heard it from the Secretary of this responsible government agency. He received the great news through a phone call. I was not aware of the atmosphere at the workplace. He later called me and of all instances, I was on queue for interview. As much as I want to shout and share the happiness, I have to be discreet. I’m not sure how I sounded to him. I was whispering and was forced to contain my emotions.

When I reported for work the next day, I was expecting for a lighter and happier environment. We have received the greatest news we’ve been praying for. It surprised me, the atmosphere at work was just the same. Maybe I was expecting something. A little pat from the back or words of appreciation from my Big Boss…… at the last minute, even a text message of appreciation. There was nothing….

{I have to stop writing this post. I have to cry….}

I admit that I’m expecting something. Not a promotion or a raise. You bet, it will never happen. I was half wishing that I will receive anything from my Boss. But people change. And maybe, I can assume that he wasn’t having that overwhelming happiness.

You see, people have been congratulating my Boss. Being the Manager of the Year, he has again proven that he deserves the recognition. But you see, behind him (modesty aside) I can always claim that I was part of his success. I was never expecting him to acknowledge me in front of other people. Not my thing…. I’m fine with a little words of gratitude expressed in the most discrete way. Unfortunately, there was nothing.

I never expected to receive the most awaited news this way. Months and almost a year ago, I was looking forward for this accomplishment. This was my dream for the company. When it finally happened, I never imagined to feel more shattered and broken.

I have to stop writing this post… I’ll have my first class tomorrow and I’m afraid, I don’t want to start another school year with swollen eyes.

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Back after 11 years

The past week! It was a whirlwind. Saying it was a rollercoaster ride is even an understatement. I started the week with a job interview. Yes, I’m admitting it here for the first time. I’m an active jobseeker again. Truth is, I fixed and updated my Jobstreet account a month ago. It has become a routine for me to check my Jobstreet account before I get to sleep. On one hand, It doesn’t feel good to be at this stage. Part of me feels that I’m becoming a traitor to my own company. On the other hand, I knew that this is only my point of escape. I’m tired of feeling miserable. Those tears and self-pity moments, it will never end on its own. I need to stand up for myself.

I have attended interviews from three different companies. The first two appeared as hopeless cases. They never told me that I was rejected. The classic scenario of waiting game became my fate. It has been a month for the first company and a week for the second company. I guess it’s time to place closure. The last interview I had happened last Monday. It came in perfect timing because I was on leave. I’m scheduled for the last and final interview to the VP last Friday. Unfortunately, I declined the opportunity. I outweighed the travel cost and time I have to spend. As it appears, location became my problem. The job pays well but sure enough, it has it own set of stress levels. If traveling to and from work already gives me a source of stress, I’m afraid that I cannot be at my best. Sigh..My only consolation here is that I was able to secure a job within one month of job search.

So there, after three companies, I’m back to start again. This time, I’m becoming more afraid and worried. I don’t know how many more companies and interviews I have to attend. In the first place, I’m not even sure if there are still companies who are willing to give me a chance. I never imagined myself to be in this stage again. The last time I felt like this was 11 years ago. Same months, around May to August of 2004, I was beginning to feel worried that I might not be able to secure a job. I got my first job offer in June 2004. I declined the opportunity. (This makes me feel that history is repeating on me 11 years after.) The pay was so miserable! I cannot imagine myself working in Makati’s business district while feeling so pathetic with the diminutive pay. Added to this, I didn’t like the nature of the job. I don’t see myself in sales and telemarketing. I waited again for another two months and the rest became history. The job I searched for four months gave me a home for the past 11 years. F@#K! I’m beginning to become a sentimental fool again.

An Open Letter to our Incoming President

Dear Mr. President,

This letter has surely no way to reach you. There are only a few workplace friends and family members who recognize this blog. Among my workplace friends, those who are aware of this page have moved to other companies. They left the institution because of better career opportunities. That’s what most of them mentioned during their exit interviews. Truth is, my friends who left lost faith in the company. I will not deny my real sentiments. I’m one with my friends who have gradually lost hope, faith and trust to our second beloved home.

I hope you have  noticed my preference of calling the institution as home. Cliche as it may sound, we have considered the company as our home.  As Catholics, we love that we can exercise our religion without restrictions. The perks of being hired in Catholic institution! At the same time, we learned to love the institution for its openness to accept non-Catholic students and employees. All the more our company deserves to be called home. Our company imbibes the real essence of Catholicism. Welcome and respect your brothers and sisters, regardless of their beliefs and preferred religions. We also love that we have the annual spiritual retreat. Most of our Catholic friends, relatives and family members only experienced the spiritual retreat during their last year in High School or College. In our case, we are blessed to experience it once every school year. Added to this, we love that we are not forced to report for work whenever Manila is about to be hit by a disastrous typhoon. On December, we have a prolonged Christmas break. How many companies will allow a two-week paid break during the Christmas season? As compared to other organizations, we believe that our home offers a relatively relaxed working environment. Those who cannot beat deadlines are not punished but understood. 🙂 We always exercise the virtue of patience and compromise. When a colleague loses a family member, we love the efforts extended by your brothers, our dearest priests. Priests are taking time to say the Holy Mass to the bereaved family member, even though it meant reaching the farthest provinces in Luzon. We may not have the best compensation and benefit packages. We are however compensated with a relatively relaxed working environment.

Unfortunately, these blessings and conveniences lost its luster and appreciation among my colleagues. As proof to this, there was a sudden increase in the number of resignations over the past months. A portion of these casualties include my lone best friend and other colleagues who have turned to become great friends. My opinion might sound too biased but really, the colleagues who decided to leave form the few best assets of our second home. It would take years before another set of valuable employees will be sufficient to replace them.

A few weeks ago I heard pieces of information about upcoming changes. The biggest income generating sector of the company is having a new head. You were also bringing in a chief consultant who was once a powerful department head. I was one of the few persons who appreciated this move because the chief consultant has sufficient knowledge and experience about the systems and culture in the organization. The consultant knew the real story and struggles happening in our second home. This was way better than the move of the previous administration. People from the “superior” sister company were brought in only to fix things that were not really broken.

Tomorrow, will be your big day. I assume. The most awaited formal appointment ceremonies will be held tomorrow. I have colleagues who were tapped to assist in the programme and ceremonies. While me? Let me tell you something… I have been an idle being for the past weeks. I’ve been reporting for work for nothing. My workplan is empty. It’s good as, I’m paid to do nothing. Lucky problems for some of my colleagues. In my case however, this adds up to my quarter life crisis, dwindling self-esteem and other personal struggles. I’ve relayed my condition to my superior but as of date, he has nothing for me. Oh well, this is another story to begin with.

Speaking of my superior, I learned that you had initial talks with him. I assume you’ve given him instructions to produce several documents for your review. My superior requested me to generate one of the documents. I finished everything in one day… After this task, I’m left hanging in the tree of uncertainty.

My letter is getting longer but I haven’t reached even the tip of my sentiments. I intend to relate the real condition of the workplace, at least in the point of view of a staff who has been there for the past decade.

You are about to embrace a home that was once blissful. It used to be a home for my colleagues who left. They say that home is where the heart is. True even for my colleagues and friends who left. They don’t hate the institution. Who could ever hate the home where they grew up? Unfortunately, the home they treasure has been broken by different forces. One of which is the presence of some leaders who failed to lead. We had our own share of leaders who were more interested with the position, than the responsibility. This gradually devastated what was once we considered home. Little by little, the damage has been felt. And for my friends and colleagues who left, it felt like they are bound to fix something that is totally broken. It’s better to leave things broken than hurting yourself trying to fix it. In my case, I never imagined how my second home would eventually make me self destructive.

There are a lot of things that needed to be fixed and HEALED. Placing everything in the right place is not a walk in the park. You will be inheriting problems. Unfortunately, problems are not designed to diminish or at the very least, remain constant over time. There will be more to come. One of which is this government legislation that is bound to lessen the revenue of the company in the next four years. So much can happen in the next four years! I can imagine how many more good employees are about to leave. And for those were left, their spirits are dampened especially when the management is leaning to downsizing. Those who leave are no longer replaced. There are lesser clients but the work load remains the same. The diminishing revenue further deprives employees of their much needed salary increase, rewards and the little things that can relieve their hardwork.

The employees are fully aware that the company is not at its best now. The others that feel alarmed and who can still afford to transfer are moving out. Those who are left accept the miserable fate of the organization. Leaving them dissatisfied and simply working for payday.

Much is expected from you Dear President. The previous administration was quite lucky to inherit a relatively systematized and orderly systems and procedures. In your case, you are inheriting a problematic environment. Worst of the worst, the problematic system is coupled with diminishing profit over the next four years.

Despite of all the negativities, I’m wishing you all the best in your leadership and administration. You have a big shoes to fill in. There’s a long, winding, rough and uncertain road ahead. What’s only certain now, people are praying and wishing for a better and brighter life ahead.

P.S. : Of my more than a decade of working for the institution, I never had the chance to witness any installation ceremony. When I first arrived in the institution, the current President was about to end his term. During the installation of the succeeding President (who is now crippled by Parkinsons disease), I filed for a vacation leave. It wasn’t intentional though. I filed for the leave months before the ceremony was scheduled. With his leadership, everyone even the rank and file employees were invited.

On your installation ceremony, only a few colleagues were given the chance to attend. The managers were all required to attend. My colleagues who are also rank and file employees were required to attend to serve as usher and usherettes. I’m not trying to insinuate something. I’m just too observant about everything. 🙂

Random useless thoughts :)

Half way again of another month. As usual, I have nothing to write. I have nothing to post here. I’m not at my best now and I’m still struggling. Years ago, I can publish a blog post at least once a week. I used to join the Weekly Photo Challenge and other blogging series. I refuse to blog because I have nothing positive to write. I will compose another sad and pathetic post again. I’m tired. While I still wallow in misery, part of me have been wanting to escape. Unfortunately, escape is not and will never be an option. The problem with loneliness, dwindling self-esteem and quarter life crisis, it demands to be felt. The only way gain freedom from all these sources of misery is to feel each pain each day. When all the pain has been felt and exhausted, you’ll feel immune and realized that the pain has gone away. By that time, another source of pain will get in and the cycle continues, which hopefully makes us better and smart beings.

Anyhow, I’m starting so much drama agin. I never had intentions of writing another blog post, not until this appeared in my inbox

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Why did I ever decide to buy my own domain name? 🙂 I have another blog in another platform and convenience wise, I could say that Blogger outperforms WordPress. In Blogger, you only pay once for your domain name service provider. In WordPress, you are incurring two separate fees should you wish to have your domain name. One for the domain name service provider and another for the mapping services from WordPress. Should you wish to change your blog’s design, you can easily navigate things around Blogger. You can hire a graphic artist to embed those html codes, upload to the Blogger account and everything is done. In WordPress, I learned several years ago that wordpress.com accounts are limited to the free or in-house paid templates. Should you wish to customize your blog’s design, you have to open a separate wordpress.org account. I also learned that image uploads in WordPress are limited.

While WordPress seem to provide all the inconvenience, I’m wondering why most of the popular bloggers I know are moving to WordPress. It seems to me that those who are receiving success in blogging are favouring WordPress. What I’m not sure, WordPress offers relatively stable platform? The comment form which is better in WordPress because non-bloggers can comment.

Another convenient feature I love about WordPress is the ease of answering to comments. I love the  the mechanism which enables the blogger and the commenter to track their responses or conversation.

Apart from the interface, I both tried using the mobile app for WordPress and Blogger. Although both performs well, can I just say that WordPress has better mobile app than Blogger? 🙂

This might appear unrelated but can I just say that I prefer the old writing interface of WordPress?

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I’m insisting of using this format when composing blog posts. 🙂

It’s 5:40 pm here, I need to go. 🙂 I promised to take care of myself more. This include going home early and avoiding all those unnecessary stressors in life.