Attempting to revive

Oh hi there! We meet again my dear space in wordpress. I’m almost in the brink of making a hiatus here. As always, I have plenty of useless excuses. 🙂 Let me name them although at the end of the day, they will not really explain my absence here.

1. Work – What’s new? Truth to be told, work load turned out to be lighter over the past 6 months. My major project ended last September. My teaching load was lessened. Everything became stable for me. I was enrolled to a short professional course. But come to think of it, work didn’t really constrain me. Probably much of my sadness, uncertainty and pending decisions with my current work made me disengage in blogging. I’m aware that I will end up writing the same post, same sentiments, same issue, same rant… the more I hate myself now.

2. My debts – And they are still a pile of credit card debts…. There’s nothing new and progressive about this. So I guess it’s better to shut up.

3. The weight gain struggle – I remember being an active participant of the Weekly Photo Challenge. I’m able to prepare one entry every week. I was a consistent participant. Over the past months or even years already, weekend was all about zzzzzzz. Something I never anticipated. I never realized that weight gain can actually correlate with laziness. More food, more weight, more laziness.

4. Blogging is losing its luster on me. – Noooo as much as I don’t want to admit it, I’m beginning to manifest this kind of behaviour. My absence here is a sufficient evidence. My failure to visit other blogs also contributes. Since I’m mentioning this already, I’d like to express my heartfelt gratitude to other bloggers who follow, visit, and leave comments. Your presence is more than enough to convince me that I should make all means to recover my writing mojo.

5. I’m maturing.. or the better term is getting old – Being in my early 30s, I’m feeling the need to take on the shoes of maturity. I have to do it. I’m pressured to make decisions that will surely shape my life. I’m nearing my middle age. I believe that whatever I do today will surely shape the outcome of my old age. My parents will soon turn 70. My special brother will surely have more needs. Although I’m thankful that he reached the age of 34, still alive and healthy. Doctors and relatives have predicted the shorter life span of my brother. In God’s grace, he is still with us. Our little family is still complete.

6. The desire to write is losing me – No, not please. Maybe I’m just lost. I’m torn with decisions especially about career and pursuing my dreams. In my case however, I’m not one of those people who were able to unite career and their dreams.

Maybe I was just caught up with other priorities. I have other concerns and most of the time, I indulged myself crying and overanalysing everything. I forgot that I have a silent space here. Or probably, because blogging requires a little effort, I allowed myself to become the indolent idiot and queen of self pity.

Haaaay… buhaaay… Oh yes, I’m still alive.


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