Should I stay

Some weeks ago, the most awaited day of my documentation project finally happened. On that day, a pool of assessors conducted a full site visit at the workplace. On top of the visit, our managers and VPs were subjected for interview or what our President said, everyone was cross-examined. We somehow underestimated this day because the bulk of workload was just so endless. The assessors were repeatedly asking for supporting documents and evidences. It was our team who handles the production of the documents. Hence, every claim that our VPs and managers make bounces back on us. At some point though, I have to admit that some VPs and managers are making up stories during their interviews. We were pissed off but in the end, we don’t have a choice but to produce something from their artificial stories.

After the site visit, the assessors will review their findings and present it to the board of judges. We were told to wait around two months for the results. We are hoping for the entry-level certification. As much as I want to be hopeful, I already feel half-hearted about the results. I hope my colleagues will not be able to read this. I’m sorry but from my end, it’s not yet time for us.

Despite of everything, I’m still wishing that my predictions were incorrect. Part of me is wishing for that chance. Truth to be told, I told myself months ago that the outcome of my documentation project will give me the answers of whether I should stay or leave my current company.

If we receive the certification, I should stay.

If we don’t receive the certification, it’s time to leave.

Unfortunately, my overanalysis of my situation is giving me more problems. At the end of the day, I realized that the outcome of my documentation project does not lead me to the clearer picture of my decision.

If we don’t receive the certification….

I should leave. This already serves as my wake up call. I should consider working and growing in a company that offers better practices. It’s time to move to a better working environment.

This sounds as the most logical decision but deep inside, part of me tells me to stay. Maybe at this point, my company is at its low. Years from now, I want to become a part of its recovery. Hence, I should stay.

If we receive the certification

I should stay. My efforts are finally happening it marks another start for me.

Part of me however says that I should already leave. My mission is already done. I’m ending my employment on a high note. I also believe that it’s better to part ways with an accomplishment than a disappointment.

I’m feeling more lost and confused. However, I knew that having this feeling of leaving already confirms that part of me already longs for it.

I confess, I knew the reasons that confuse and prevent me to leave or make that decision.

  1. That evil emotional attachment – I started my career here. Everything that happened to me 10 years ago were made in my current employer
  2. Afraid to regret – If I will move to another company, I don’t want to experience those days when I have to ask myself, why did I leave? Everything was fine for the last 10 years. Why did I easily give up those 10 years of my life?
  3. Fear of the unknown – My few friends who left the academe for the industry have their own culture shocking stories. Most of them were surprised with the faster pace of work life in the industry. At my current age, am I still capable of coping?
  4. The interviews and entrance examinations – I remember my friend Grace who once told me that she has memorized all the employment examinations of companies. True enough. There are some examinations I encountered from another company that I found in another company. I have my own share of embarrassing stories about employment examinations. One is always getting eliminated with a pool of applicants. I don’t know if I still have the tolerance and knowledge to quickly answer those employment examinations.
  5. The almost most important consideration – Salary… If I will accept another job, my major considerations are the amount of salary and benefits I will be receiving. Obviously, I will never transfer to a company with lesser pay and benefits… even though the company has been showing signs of growth and success? No or maybe yes?
  6. My future colleagues – Will I still have the patience to deal with another set of colleagues?

I made this blog post while my dearest students are taking one of their major examinations. This reminds me, one of the things I would surely miss when I leave the workplace. If I will leave, it will take some time for me to return to teaching. It will make me sad… But then, part of me is already feeling the exhaustion. Maybe my overweight problems or lousiness can explain. I will feel sad without teaching, but I will not deny that my aging and overweight self needs additional time to rest.

So there, if you were kind and patient enough to read my long post, THANK YOU. I would appreciate unsolicited advices but please, no harsh words.

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