Four Years

Had it really been 4 years here?

I started blogging in 2005. I explored and tried blogs in different platforms. I started with Blogger but after a not-so-good experience with Google Ad Sense, I left and switch to WordPress. Truth to be told, I still maintain another blog from Blogger. I tried Multiply, Friendster, Weebly, Tumblr and Livejournal. I later discovered that the battle is between Blogger and WordPress.

I wanted to check my old posts and feed myself with some nostalgia. Unfortunately, my laziness hormones are overpowering everything. So as always, I’ll do it in the most unorganized way. I’ll allow myself to drift away with whatever thoughts that will come along the way.

I’m asking myself what have I achieved in my four years of existence here. My fondest memories are the earning opportunities I gained. Some years ago, I was accepted to Bucks2Blog. I was able to score paid blog posts. If I will sum up my earnings, I would like to believe that I already earned around $ 200 from all the sponsored posts. Unfortunately, I gave in to my shopaholic attacks. The most I can remember, I was able to purchase a Longchamp Le Pliage from my earnings. But for savings and investment, nada!

I don’t have intentions of popularizing this blog. Maybe between popularizing and monetizing, I will go for the latter. I wanted to remain semi-anonymous. The reason lies behind all the posts I made. I blogged about some people I hate and I don’t have intentions of telling them. I admit, I’m not brave enough to personally confront them. All I wanted is to selfishly vent out to the world. Case closed J

I’m beginning to realize that this blog became a portal of all my negativities. Yes, I’m guilty. I don’t know but for some reason, I find the drive to write when intense emotions are accumulating on me. If I would make an estimate I guess only 20% of the posts I made breed happy memories. Most of them are accomplishments, appreciation and those rare and unexpected instances of happiness.

Despite all the sad, pathetic and annoying stories I’m compiling, I will definitely hold on to this blog. I may not be able to blog on a regular basis, one thing sure though… I intend to keep this space.

Before I end this post, (I hate to sound to cliché) I would like to thank everyone who followed, liked and managed to read my posts. I may not personally know everyone. Perhaps, our paths have already crossed. Who knows? But really, every click, browse and reading you made here means a lot to me. THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS and VISITORS! My four years in the blogosphere will never be the same without your presence. My gratitude particularly goes to my counted but frequent John Tugano, husband and wife team of Say Cheese, Plaridel, Renz and the Thriving Pessimist!

And since most of the time I’m always alone here let me do the cheering, here’s to more years of writing!

Respect for who they are

A few weeks ago, a conversation with a few group of friends led to their sentiments about gays and lesbians. I can’t exactly recall how the topic emerged. The most I can remember, a friend uttered her reluctance of dealing with lesbians. She admits preferring gays than tomboys. She has this natural disinclination against lesbians. She swore never getting involved with them. I wanted to challenge her selfish conviction. I wanted to tell her how inconsiderate and discriminating she was. My intensifying desire to argue was taken aback because I remember the real intention of that night. We were gathered to unwind after an exhausting work week.

At some point, I regret my decision to keep quiet. Part of me feels guilty for my other friends. Yes, I have a handful of great friends, who are lesbians and tomboys. I don’t have gay friends of my age. The most I have are gay students who provide me that much needed comic relief in class. Some of them turned out to become a few of my good friends. (NOTE) I don’t mean discriminate but I had more negative experiences with gays than lesbians. Despite of everything, I don’t really consider gender as a requisite for friendship or even work.

The experience made me recall a great lesson life taught me. RESPECT and NEVER DISCRIMINATE. This particularly goes to the members of the gay and lesbian community. I’m a devoted Catholic and even though Bible interpreters keep on claiming that God despises them, my respect remains untainted. Even in my family, I’m proud to say that gender is not really a major issue. I grew up with parents, aunties, uncles and grandparents who whole-heartedly embraced and accepted every kid, regardless of who they are and what they chose to become. I guess this started my firm belief of respecting everyone.

So whether you are girl, boy, bakla or tomboy, you are welcome to my life. As long as you can bear my hopeless romantic hormones, cheesiness, foodie indulgences, and occasional mood swings then welcome to my life 🙂

The day I cried for my Father

I intend to spend the past holiday at home. It should have been a great break because yesterday was pay day. Unfortunately, the piles of bills to pay swept everything. I planned to spend the entire day at home. I should get more sleep, read books, and drown myself with entertaining drama series.

I woke up with a number of text messages from my cousin. She was requesting me to treat Grandpa for merienda. I admit. I wasn’t happy. This is not the time to spend because I have nothing to spend in the first place. I initially avoided the conversation. I answered my cousin’s other queries. In the middle of our exchange of messages, I learned that another cousin volunteered to treat Grandpa, much to my relief. Unfortunately, the treat didn’t push through. I don’t know what happened on my cousin’s end. I was pissed off to some extent because my cousin never bothered to explain what happened. I was left hanging and waiting.

When weekend came, I was surprised with a photo of Grandpa tagged in my Facebook account. I learned that the “not-so-legal” partner of another cousin took Grandpa to his favourite restaurant along Sto. Domingo Church. I should have been happy for Grandpa and thankful for my other cousin. He and his partner did a great favour for us. However, my heart was telling otherwise. I felt cheated and frustrated. My financial struggle took away an opportunity to spend time and create those priceless memories with Grandpa.

Days passed, I forgot everything. I thought I was fine not until I learned that my Father personally thanked my other cousin. The exact words uttered by my Father to my cousin,

Nilabas mo pala ang Lolo mo. Salamat ha. Pasensiya na kayo ha. Hindi ko na kayang ilibre ang Lolo niyo. Wala na kasi akong trabaho.

(Thank you for the taking time to bring your Grandpa to his favorite restaurant. Pardon your Uncle’s financial incapability. I don’t anymore have work and income to treat your Grandpa.)

My Father’s humble words of appreciation to my cousin stabbed my heart. I was pierced to pieces. I excused myself and rush to the bathroom. Tears are welling up. I have to salvage my remaining pride and self-esteem. I have to look strong and unaffected even in front of my own mother.

My Father’s words reminded me of my failure. In my previous post, I selfishly bragged about my untainted work ethics. No one can ever accuse me of engaging in some questionable activities. I feed my family with nothing but hardwork. At the end of the day however, it made me realize how far can my honor and dignity take me? Can it pay bills? Can it give me that protection in times of accidents and sicknesses? Can it build my much needed savings account? Can it give me and my family a better life? Can people recognize this as proof that my parents did a great job? I hate to admit it but in the case of my family, financial wealth is always the indicator of successful parenting.

Maybe this entire post boils down to my financial struggle. Maybe I’m just really jealous and frustrated. Whatever it is, my wish remains the same. I just want to have enough and live happy.