Life got better for me

Two posts ago, I was frustrated. I was sad. I was ranting. To all those who wasted their time, willingly absorbed my bad vibes and silently consoled, thank you.  No sarcasm meant, it really makes me happy when people take time to read whatever I post here.

I was filling myself with negative thoughts over the past days. It started with my frustrating 30th birthday. Someone unintentionally offended me. I didn’t blog about it but another person almost made me cry. I just can’t understand why some people who don’t like my friends would create means to provoke me to a spat. My friends don’t like you either, but I never adhere to the idea of engaging to a silent fight. Respect and professionalism, we don’t need to enroll in further studies to learn these.

A few days before the holiday break, I prepared myself for the worst. I was ready to accept more negativities.  The last day at work happened to be the most awaited Xmas party. Setting aside the party, I was looking forward to my plans after the event. My friends and I agreed to visit this high end tourist hub in Manila.

Before the Xmas party, we attended a Spiritual Recollection and Holy Mass. The priest facilitator was the best. Thank you Fr. for giving us the best Xmas message. I felt enlightened and my day felt almost complete. We later headed to the venue of our Xmas party. Unlike our previous Xmas parties, we had a very modest celebration for 2013. My fellow employees agreed to donate part of the party’s budget to our brothers and sisters affected by typhoon Haiyan.  The management however still pursued the usual and most awaited raffle draw. I was convinced that I’m unlucky with raffle draws and other games that rely on luck and chances. Hence, my thoughts went somewhere else. I was thinking of freelance works, expenditures and the Xmas bonus I have yet to check in my payroll account. When I became silently inattentive, I was awaken by a great surprise.

I won the 2nd prize of the raffle draw! Hooray!!

I took home a significant amount of cash. Oh Dear God! What have I done to deserve this luck? I was the happiest. It was a mixture of relief, happiness and excitement.

I recall last year during this time, I was feeling so broke. The Xmas spirit was no longer with me because of the unending expenditures. Added to this the intensifying quarter life crisis that made a special appearance. I remember blogging my sentiments. My parting lines then was, I vowed to never have a broke Xmas again. I promised that next year, life will be better.

Someone must have heard my rants. This year’s Xmas was way better. I didn’t have a great 30th birthday. However, the days after my birthday became better. The remaining days before Xmas unfolded with small yet meaningful surprises.

It started when I was successful in granting the wish of a new found friend. (Hi dear friend C!) I was able to convince my friend’s crush to personally deliver a gift in her workstation. I also received a number of freelance works. Although some are still uncertain, I always see each client as an opportunity. The opportunity to earn from writing was taken away from this blog. Surprisingly, my other blog is starting to gain what I lost here.

I would like to believe that I handle my finances way better this year. I was able to set aside something from my much awaited 13th month pay. There are still the credit card balances to settle. But soon enough, I know. I will be able to free myself from the consequences of my financial immaturity. With the help of more freelance works, my financial health will improve.

But I believe the best thing that happened was when I won a significant amount of cash money from our modest Xmas party.  I was the happiest. Although at some point, I felt undeserving of the money. I’m thankful for the money but really, part of me feels that someone is more than deserving. How could someone who has punctuality problems deserve a prize? How could someone who didn’t hit her project deadline be rewarded?

Call me a weirdo but when some colleagues are congratulating me, I felt awkward and ashamed. It almost felt like a stole a prize from someone who should have been deserving.

Maybe this is my own wakeup call. The prize is like a reward or compensation that came in before I exert my much needed handwork, determination and perseverance.

Whatever it is, my heart is overflowing with happiness and gratitude. My family is complete. I met my great friends before the 25th. I was able to cross out some items in my bucket list. Life just got better for me.

And to my few friends who have been reading my blog, thank you so much! I hope life also gets better for you.

Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2014 for all of us 🙂

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