Birthday Plans Screwed

In a few more days, I’m entering another decade of my life. I hate to admit it but I’m turning 30 soon. The thought of leaving my 20s with so many things unaccomplished intensifies my self-diagnosed quarter life crisis. Just typing this post makes my head ache.  Maybe I’m just overreacting. This unusual headache is probably attributed to the greasiest lunch I had a while ago. Sisig, egg and bits of chicharon … perfect lethal weapon for self destruction.

Feeling refreshed from my Corregidor trip, I was eager on planning my 3oth birthday. Instead of the usual dinner with my friends, I wanted to venture on another experience. I wanted to increase my list of firsts on my birthday. I planned to watch this musical play in Manila. After the play, I will treat my friends over a great meal. I felt this was my own way of celebrating a grown up birthday.

I was excited. I had high hopes. I can feel the happiness not until I started to receive the feedback of my friends.  No one wanted to come with me. Hooray! I have created my own anticlimactic scene. For someone who has been battling recurring sadness and emptiness,  this proves to be another self-esteem killer.

Something like this happened to me several years ago. I was trying to organize a mini-reunion for my MBA friends. I planted my own frustration because no one dared to even answer to my request. A day before my planned reunion, I received text messages of regrets. After this experience, I vowed to never take the shoes of the event organizer again. NEVER. Problem is, I failed to recall and learn from this experience. I again committed the same mistake. This time, I made things worst by repeating the attempt on my birthday.

I’m starting to realize that I have this special talent of making myself feel sad and pathetic. I know how to make myself feel miserable.

I might be overreacting. This might be the fault of my abnormal emotional hormones. Better yet, I should take this as a cue on how grownups or people in their 30s spent their birthdays. Maybe I should stop planning. It was never my turf in the first place. Maybe I should fully embrace my principle of not expecting and living each day as it comes.

Perhaps when I’m finally free from all those debts and obligations, I should dust off my travel luggage and see another country in my bucket list.


6 thoughts on “Birthday Plans Screwed

  1. Well, happy early birthday! It should be celebrated with happiness! It’s not what you’ve done in the past or what you’re going to do in the future that matters. It’s what you do now! Go out for your birthday and talk to a stranger! Have fun! I just got through a pretty tough depression and I was making myself pretty unhappy. The key for me was realizing that right now I have absolutely no problems. Maybe in an hour I’ll be upset but right now, now I am fine. Perhaps I sound crazy but enjoy what you have! You have only this moment right now!
    From one stranger to another, I do really hope you have a wonderful birthday. I spent mine in 110 degree heat basically trapped in a building without air conditioning with none of my friends. Ha. At least next year it will be easy to beat!


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