In a few more days, I’m entering another decade of my life. I hate to admit it but I’m turning 30 soon. The thought of leaving my 20s with so many things unaccomplished intensifies my self-diagnosed quarter life crisis. Just typing this post makes my head ache. Maybe I’m just overreacting. This unusual headache is probably attributed to the greasiest lunch I had a while ago. Sisig, egg and bits of chicharon … perfect lethal weapon for self destruction.
Feeling refreshed from my Corregidor trip, I was eager on planning my 3oth birthday. Instead of the usual dinner with my friends, I wanted to venture on another experience. I wanted to increase my list of firsts on my birthday. I planned to watch this musical play in Manila. After the play, I will treat my friends over a great meal. I felt this was my own way of celebrating a grown up birthday.
I was excited. I had high hopes. I can feel the happiness not until I started to receive the feedback of my friends. No one wanted to come with me. Hooray! I have created my own anticlimactic scene. For someone who has been battling recurring sadness and emptiness, this proves to be another self-esteem killer.
Something like this happened to me several years ago. I was trying to organize a mini-reunion for my MBA friends. I planted my own frustration because no one dared to even answer to my request. A day before my planned reunion, I received text messages of regrets. After this experience, I vowed to never take the shoes of the event organizer again. NEVER. Problem is, I failed to recall and learn from this experience. I again committed the same mistake. This time, I made things worst by repeating the attempt on my birthday.
I’m starting to realize that I have this special talent of making myself feel sad and pathetic. I know how to make myself feel miserable.
I might be overreacting. This might be the fault of my abnormal emotional hormones. Better yet, I should take this as a cue on how grownups or people in their 30s spent their birthdays. Maybe I should stop planning. It was never my turf in the first place. Maybe I should fully embrace my principle of not expecting and living each day as it comes.
Perhaps when I’m finally free from all those debts and obligations, I should dust off my travel luggage and see another country in my bucket list.
I had the best weekend!
I came from a short trip away from the city. I will blog about the entire experience soon. When Sunday came, I was able to buy my Christmas gift for my parents. Making them happy is so priceless. I can’t find the exact words to describe that rare happiness.
Unfortunately, life sent me another dose of unpleasant surprise. I arrived late for work, like almost an hour after my official time. Worst comes to worst, I lost a piece of precious jewelry. It was my last pair of pearl earrings.
Sigh … Bad start but as always, I’m left with one choice. Move on and face the week ahead.
I remember telling a friend that I’m feeling half-broken and half-devastated a few days ago. I relayed it through an online conversation which my friend intentionally or unintentionally ignored. Nevertheless, I didn’t force my issue. I slept away with perhaps, another saga of my quarter life crisis.
I later realized that there’s no such thing as being half-broken and half-devastated. Anything broken is already broken. The mere presence is enough to confirm full existence. I’m broken, devastated, to encapsulate everything in one word, unwell.
Maybe this is just another episode of my self-diagnosed quarter life crisis. Deep in my heart, I know the reasons. As much as I want to relate the trigger of my struggle, I know for sure that what I have are shallow and selfish reasons. Yes I’m ashamed of certain things I cannot handle as a grown up. The only thing I can bravely admit is the fact that I drowned myself with too much expectations. I conditioned myself that it will happen. When reality finally confirmed my fate, I felt like a frustrated kid again. I wanted to run away and find my own temporary escape.
The photos were taken in Boracay two years ago. From afar, the bamboo structure appears as a decorative piece. Inside the layers of these tall bamboos are decorative lanterns and a space that can accommodate a small group. The area is very ideal for those who prefer the tranquil side of the beach. This area is perfect for a quiet and relaxing dinner along the beach. In case I have another opportunity to visit Boracay, a dinner here will be included in my list.
This is the worst way to end 2013 for the Philippines.
At this point, most of you are already aware of the tragedy that is devastating my fellowmen. Fortunately for us, Manila and the Northern regions of the Philippines were spared. Thank you Lord.
While everyone here is exhausting all means to reach out to our fellowmen, I was surprised when two of my of foreign blog friends sent me letters of concern. All the while, they thought that Manila was also adversely affected. Both are even willing to extend any form of assistance. This came as a silent blessing in disguise. People whom I believe will remain as online friends surprisingly came out to help. Thank you so much dear friends! I don’t need to mention your names, you know who you are.
In the midst of all the donations that arriving in the country, I was mesmerized by this.
Thank you and please keep praying for the Philippines!
If something makes me feel bad and sad, what should I do?
I’m faced with two options. Either avoid and prevent to be in the situation or immerse myself to the condition. To be preventive or train myself to become used to the situation?
Should I choose to avoid the situation, I’m addressing the condition on a short term approach. Shallow but in the end, it still alleviates the problem. Escaping provides a temporary shelter of protection to prevent the damage of more sadness and depression.
If I decide to torture and challenge myself to be always in this situation, I will eventually learn and develop my own coping mechanism. Sounds like the better option but the road to this long term solution will never be easy. I have to welcome and endure more sadness and depression, with the hope of eventually overcoming everything and redeeming myself.
I wish I could relate the origin and details of this predicament. Maybe this is another episode of my self-diagnosed quarter life crisis. I wish I could easily shout out my shallow grown up issues. Hoping that in return, everyone will sympathize and console me. This is what I want to happen but life and its reality have other plans. Things will be more complicated and unexpected circumstances will emerge.
I think I have reached my quota of emotional rants. Enough of this… For now, the best thing I can do is rest, sleep and hopefully close this saga of my life.
If there is one thing I have been consistently doing, it’s taking my earliest meal. There was never a day in my life when I never had breakfast.
Unlike the most, I have unusual preferences. I don’t and never drink coffee, chocolate or any hot beverage. I prefer water and fruit juices. While most of my fellowmen prefer either fried rice or pandesal, I can settle with french toasts, eggs or any breakfast which different nationalities can offer.