Month: August 2013

For M and L

I can’t believe it’s been eight years. After I obtained my permanency status at work, I immediately applied for admission to the Graduate School. At an early age, I was very eager to make things happen. I enrolled a number of subjects because I wanted to acquire my masteral degree in the soonest possible time. Little do I know, life at the Graduate School will lead me to another world of happiness.

After burning bridges with some good old friends, I was rewarded with another set of supportive friends. Cheesy and cliché as it may sound but I considered those semesters as one of the best years of my life.

Unfortunately, those years of happiness ended abruptly. After taking our comprehensive examination, everyone in the group went with their own plans. L was the first to graduate. In my case, I decided to take things slow. I took my time to write that grueling thesis and graduated the year after.

Since then, the group never became complete again. I tried to organize reunions only to frustrate myself because no one dared to respond to my invitation. A year after, L asked me to organize another reunion. The feeling of frustration was still thriving in me. Hence, I did my own share of selfish revenge. I secretly prayed the she will feel the same amount of rejection and frustration. L can never play the role of the best event organizer and my expectations prevailed.

The years prospered and everyone went on with their lives. In the middle of the previous year, M surprised me with her upcoming wedding. It came as a blessing because I was able to relieve and spend some moments with M. I wanted to spend more time with M, but I can’t take her away from her most awaited day.

During M’s wedding, L shared her recent source of happiness. L is engaged! Time flies so fast because it’s been months since L got married.

If only I had been given more time with M and L, I wanted to tell them how much I miss them. All the more I miss them now.

I hope they still remember those Saturdays when we attend the anticipated mass. We would arrive early and caught the last few moments of the wedding rites either in San Agustin or the Manila Cathedral. While wearing our faded jeans and comfy shirts, we would watch the happy bride and her equally fulfilled groom. Each of us had that rare trace of smile accompanied by a silent dream. The happy ending, the fairy tale, which both of you already have.

The way it sounds, yes this is another emotional post. This serves as an aftermath of my previous post. This is again brought by my fear of being left out.

I know that you two are having the best time of your lives. I don’t anymore want to bother both of you with my recurring and agitating quarter life crisis. Let this post serve as my regular venting channel.

I wish you the continuous and overflowing happiness. If time will come that you will remember me, a prayer will be enough. While I still wish for my own happiness, the least that I can ask now is the assurance that whatever happens, everything will be fine.

Worries and Wishes

rain3

After a week long house arrest, I was able to get my much deserved day out. My cousins invited me to try a new restaurant in town. I immediately said yes because I miss having quality time with them. I also believe that this is the break I’m dying to have.

As expected, we had a great time. Great food, stories and laughter are the best ways to remove every inch of stress in my system. I went home happy and fulfilled. Before I went to sleep, Nanay shared a very sad story that affected me. I was not able to sleep. Hence, this post made it.

Nanay have regular companions turned friends from the Saturday masses she regularly attends. She related the story of this lady in her early 40s. She seemed fine and healthy not until everyone noticed her evident weight loss. One of my Nanay’s friends also noticed the consistent stench odor and wetness on her blouse.

On the way home, one of Nanay’s friends dared to ask the lady about her health. The lady admitted that she has been battling breast cancer. Nanay asked if she has been getting medication like regular chemotherapy and checkups. The lady admitted another sad reality. The last time she went to the hospital was when the doctor confirmed that she has cancer. She never managed to underwent any treatment because she never had the means to afford it. Nanay’s friends asked about her family. Apparently, she never got married because she took over the responsibility of taking care of their aging parents. Her siblings are all married and struggling supporting their respective families.

After hearing the lady’s story, I felt that familiar shiver of fear again. My knees weakened and all of a sudden, I started to fear for myself. In a few more years, there’s a possibility that I would share the same fate.

My Nanay chose to become a housewife since the doctor discovered that my elder brother was born special. My Dad provided everything until early of this year. My Dad has been a great provider for more than 40 years. He deserves his own retirement. Hence, I’m left to support the entire family. I was expecting it but when Nanay told me that it’s now my turn, I secretly cried for a while. I was crying for fear and worries. Everyone now depends on me. Being strong is no longer an option but a responsibility I have to fully embrace. Aside from adequately providing for the family, I felt more fear for my future. The way it looks now, I will end up growing old on my own. I don’t have other siblings to look over me. I have my cousins but they have their own families as well.

I don’t know why did Nanay related to me the story. I just told her that I feel sorry for the lady. I never told Nanay that I felt frightened, disturbed, worried and secretly cried again for my uncertain future.

I feel weak and helpless while typing this post. But more than wishing for myself, may I request anyone reading this to utter a prayer for the cancer stricken lady. If only I could wish something for the lady, it’s for her siblings to reunite for her. I never met her but I can feel that she has a great heart, lived a good life and deserves to experience that love and happiness.

I have not been a spiritual person over the past years but I always believe that God (regardless of religion) always works in the most mysterious ways. With the help of our silent but powerful prayers, I believe that the lady’s silent wishes will be granted.

Life has been like this since Sunday

rain2

Work is suspended but I’m still working. I’m taking advantage of the unexpected holiday to accomplish my freelance works.

Hopefully, a better weather will come tomorrow.

Weekly Photo Challenge : Carefree

carefree2

This photo gives me a jumble of emotions. This was taken years ago when my enthusiasm to my life and career were at its peak, I guess. I gained my much prayed permanency status from my  first job. I was admitted to Graduate School at an early age. Everything is perfectly falling in the right place.

An unexpected blessing even came in the form of my new found friends. While I was forced to burn bridges with some people in my past, I was given another source of happiness. And since everyone is earning, gone are my college days when we can only dream for an out-of-town escapade. With my new found friends, we can easily pool resources and book a huge suite from any of the grandest hotels in Manila. At the end of a tiring semester, we would reward ourselves with a short out-of-town vacay.

The photo was taken using one of those early models of digital cameras. Hence the poor resolution. Carefree for us meant releasing our long suppressed kids at heart hormones.

Fast forward now, I rarely see my friends. Most of them are already married and starting their families. Most of us acquired our masteral degrees while some decided to focus on their career and family life. I miss these people so much.

 

Forced to write this

I was about to log out and start my day at 9:54 pm. I’m ready to start freelance work # 1 not until I remember reading this article. Hint about the article: It’s about that woman persecuted because of her alleged connivance with politicians stealing away the hard worked money of all taxpayers.

I avoid writing anything about government and politics because I just don’t like it.

But after reading the said article, I felt compelled to write. I felt the need to burst out my own list of sentiments

1. I used to believe that our government charges lower tax rates as compared to other countries. Since we are charged with lesser income tax, I shouldn’t expect much in return. @#$%&

I honestly settle my income tax. In fact, the government earns four times from me every month. I’m sure that I’m not the only struggling office employee who experiences this. This also made me remember that actress who lambasted the informal settlers. Hey actress, I’m waiting for you to rant about those politicians involved. What happened to you and your big twitter mouth? Is it because you are friends with these wealthy politicians?

2. Whenever I see defective roads and bridges, I don’t really complain. I used to believe that government does not have enough funds. I should settle with what the local government can afford. @#$%

3. I exercise my right to suffrage. I still support and believe in the capacity of the government. I also don’t want to be tagged as the citizen who doesn’t own any right to complain just because I never had my vote counted. Only to discover that my right to suffrage is partly responsible for facilitating corruption.

4. On those rare instances when I commit jaywalking, I feel very guilty. Jaywalking vs. malversation of people’s hard worked money? Who is committing more detrimental? To my defense, I don’t use either the overpass or underpass because of the heartless beings who have mercilessly taken away hard worked mobile phones and the meager pay of my friends and colleagues.

5. I pity more my retired colleagues who have been struggling after years of working and honestly settling their income tax. Despite their old age, they have to wait for months to have their drops of retirement funds. Unless I do anything to change my life, I’ll be one of them too.

6. I pity more the public school teachers. Heck, that money can be used to raise their income and give them better health benefits. As one blogger said, the real pambansang hayop (national animal) are the public school teachers. Overworked, underpaid and forced to be abused on the times when we reposition another set of evil beings.

7. I don’t feel much guilt for maximizing the use of the cheap mass rail transport system (LRT and MRT). I used to believe that the government has all the right to increase the cheap train fares. As compared to other Asian countries, our train fares are the cheapest. This time however, I don’t anymore believe that the government does not have enough funds to subsidize the public transport’s operations.

8. Even for the sake of good will, I realized that I should not give way to politicians and their convoys who impose their own rules on the road. The only vehicle that should own the road is the hospital ambulance. Unless otherwise the ruthless politician inside that single-digit-plate vehicle is meeting God soon. By all means, let us further block the road and prepare his pathway to eternal peace.

9. I’m not a bad person after all. I work, religiously pay my taxes, obey traffic rules, honestly fall in line whenever I transact with government offices … the next politician who will tell me that I’m one of those insensitive, unpatriotic and selfish citizens who hinders country’s growth…. I’ll pray that you meet God in the soonest possible time.