When my heart speaks : Cherry Blossoms

I guess this serves as a break from my streak of serious posts .

The hopeless romantic in me is dying in my own heaven of cheesiness


I’m currently addicted to this recently concluded Korean drama series.

This perfectly captured my silent dream.


Cherry blossoms  +  (not-so) Mr. Right =  Bliss

Photos not owned by the author.


Debt Magnet

I’m on a blogging streak! Blame the rainy Sunday afternoon and sudden emotional outpour?

I was about to log out when my Facebook account popped a message from one of my contacts. Upon seeing her name, I don’t need to read the message. I knew what it is.

I have this annual unblemished record of people attempting to borrow money from me . Whenever they approach me, the first realization that prevails on me

Why me?

Do I look like someone who has money?

If you have been reading my New Journey series, you knew the answer. I’m equally struggling with all the stupid debts I made.

The first ever person who borrowed money from me was a colleague. I knew that she badly needed it because she was financing the studies of her younger sister. I gave her the money and didn’t expect to be paid.

Yes, you read it right. I never expected to get paid. I learned this principle from one of the seminars I attended. The resource person told us that if a colleague happens to seek financial assistance, it’s alright to help. This should however be coupled with the principle of providing the amount you are willing to let go. Don’t consider it as debt but points to goodwill.

In the case of my colleague, she paid me before she went ahead to heaven. I also learned that she was able to settle the full tuition fee of her sister before she passed away.

Months after, I was surprised when one of my students attempted to borrow money. I blogged about him and as much as I wanted to forgo his debt, I became disappointed with all the lies I discovered.

In the same year, I was surprised with a relative who was attempting to borrow a huge amount of money. I never gave in to my relative’s plea because I knew her tainted reputation. She has records of malversation of public funds. Fortunately for her, she was able to escape the charges. Added to this the swindling incident involving her parents. Her parents exhausted my maternal grandmother’s funds in the hope of greener pasture employment for my Uncle V. I have received more than enough warning from my relatives, but I never listened. Years after, she sought assistance by availing my professional services as a researcher and statistician. It was actually her husband who needed my help. I opened my doors and assisted them like any other professional and responsible client. Lucky for them, they were able to intentionally escape my professional services. I felt deceived but since we are relatives, I almost decided to let go. Almost, if they never spread stories that they paid for my services. Almost, if they neve bragged and promised that they would pay me.

Early this year, I was surprised when one of my former students made efforts to reconnect with me. She added me on Facebook and asked for my mobile number. At first, I thought it was a mere gesture of rekindling connections. Days after, the truth about her efforts settled. She wanted to borrow money. And I tell you, the amount can wreck my dwindling savings account. Just the same, I gave her the money. For her convenience, I even deposited it to her savings account. Months after, I never heard any word from her.

The saga continued a few weeks ago. I received an unusual Facebook message from a batchmate. It was 3 am and I was awakened by the unexpected notification. (Blame the 24-hour wifi connection and my phone, which I never figured how to place in airplane mode) Her words were direct to the point. She wanted money because of a long story, which I never bothered to read. From what I understood, she has an ailing Father and the entire burden of the family was left on her.

I was never close to that batchmate. We became classmates back in grade 5 and my last encounter with her was several years ago. We took the same FX taxi to the train station and that was it.

I relayed my experience to another friend and was caught by her words

Masyado ka kasing mabait (You are too kind)

Charity begins at home

I have my own financial troubles and I’m surprised that I was able to help others in one way or another. This is something I can’t explain and understand. Where do I get the courage to lend money when I’m an equally financially troubled individual?

If my parents will be able to read this post, I’ll surely receive a month long dose of verbal diarrhea. I’m so messed up and I’m allowing myself to do it more.

When that time comes

I knew that this is bound to happen.  Despite the anticipation, I never prepared for it.  As always, I adhered to my immature and lazy principle of going with the flow and taking things as they come.

I’m officially the family’s breadwinner. It used to be that my Father and I jointly provided for the family. After some time, my Father’s income started to diminish. Back then, I can feel the gradual curtain call to my Father’s capability to earn. I know it will come. It’s just that the bulk of responsibility came too early.

Unlike other retired employees, my Father’s fate was different.  Other retirees expect drops of monthly pensions after years of employment. It may not be enough, but any additional money is always a much welcomed aid. In the case of my Father, he will have nothing because he was self-employed.

My Father owned and operated a school bus for more than 40 years. He safely brought to school the children of equally hardworking parents. I believe that my Father was way different from  all the rude and undisciplined drivers we often complain because he always have loyal and returning clients. Most of his passengers are children of previous passengers.  During Christmas, he would receive more gifts than any other school bus drivers. Some of his previous passengers would even take time to pay him a visit and hand him a little cash gift.  I’m proud to say that my Father is one of the few people who loved his job and provided that service from the heart.

The problem with my Father is that he neglected his own future. He loved me so much that he invested everything on me. Having a special brother, he knew that I was the only child who can finish school. He sent me to the best school, even though it would cause us some financial trouble.

And now, the future of my Father has finally come.  My Father is finally embracing retirement and it’s time for me to step on his shoes. Part of me wanted to cry because of fear. Part of me feels pathetic because of the burden that lies ahead. But to be honest, part of me silently cries because when my future comes, who will be in charge of me then?

New Journey Series : Enough ..

I was relieved when I found an easier way to settle my credit card debts. I opened another credit card account and availed of the Balance Transfer Program. In a nutshell, the Balance Transfer Program enables account holders to transfer their accumulated debt from another credit card. What’s best about this program is that for a lower interest rate, the account holder can pay the transferred debt in terms. It gave me a huge relief because I can finally stop the bleeding interest charges that have been causing me an arm and a leg.

The monthly installments are tough. As I settle every monthly bill, I felt the effects of my stupidity and immaturity. The monthly installments could have become significant savings and investment opportunities. To relieve myself, I’m envisioning my life after two more years. At that time, my installment plans are over. I will start life all over again and this time, I promised myself that I will become better and wiser. Incidentally, I’m nearing the next decade of my life. With the additional years, there’s nothing I want but for this to be over.

When the year started, I was properly handling my balance transfer installments. I was able to pay everything in full. Unfortunately, my good performance lasted only on the first to the early quarters of the year. Everything started in the month of June. I always hated June because I see this as one of financially draining months. Again, my immature self never failed to anticipate this. The bills piled up, I was able to use up part of my savings account and what’s worst, I swiped the cards again.

As I reviewed my spending patterns, I discovered that I’m so worst this year. In the past, I only use up my credit cards. This time, I’m able to ruin even my hard earned savings account.

You see, I may dress well, my students respect me, I’m able to do my job but deep inside … I’m still struggling and inducing myself to fail..

You are not deprived

Dear Kid,

I admit that I’m not the best person to write this letter. I have my own share of immaturity, insecurities and stupidity. There’s a high chance that you will not be able to read this. So I guess this balances everything. I’m writing this post because I’ve been looking for my much needed venting channel. If I will not write, I might confront you in a way I will forever regret. So I might as well write, vent out and delete this in the future.

You told Big Boss that you have been physically abused by your own Mom. I wanted to sympathize but my mind and heart are sending me signs of distrust and disbelief. Call it women’s intuition, but I can sense a shadow of doubt from your accusations.

I’m not the best person to analyze behaviors. I admit that. But my personal and maybe biased views tell me that a physically abused kid should register a different behavior. In my opinion, maltreated kids cannot easily relate their unfortunate experiences. They see this side of their life as a chapter meant to be hidden. These kids wanted nothing but a better life. They wanted people to see more of their strengths and not their weaknesses. I cannot reconcile the fact that it’s so easy for you to relate all the maltreatment rendered by your mother.

I can also trace inconsistencies with your stories. I don’t want to detail everything though. You always insinuate that you are a deprived kid. Your own Dad does not provide financial support. It’s only your Mom’s partner who provides everything in your home. Assuming that is the real story, sorry but I can’t sense even an inch of material deprivation on your end. You wear metal braces and I know how expensive it is to avail that treatment. Deprived? In the upcoming soiree for freshmen students, you reported late for work. You were late because you bought a new set of clothes for the event. Again, deprived?

You were sent in this school as a working scholar. Your Mom pays a minimal amount of the miscellaneous fees, which is still expensive as compared to the entire tuition fee in a state university. If your Mom wanted to deprive you, she would opt for the state university, where everything is surely cheaper. (Oh well, I haven’t forgiven you for berating the state university where I graduated. I came from a school of activists but I never emerged as a stubborn and the conceited unemployed being.)

You can’t even remember the last time you had a cake. You mentioned that to Big Boss as if you were not being fed more three times a day. I never had one too. The last time I had a real birthday cake was when I turned 18. But hey, I’m still alive and surviving.

You even told the Big Boss that when you turn 18, you will have your birthday in one of the grand ballrooms of the Shangri-La Hotel. You had the courage to say that while telling us that you are an abused kid?

You also have this trait of exaggerating stories. When we learned the unfortunate incident encountered by one of your janitorial personnel, you mentioned that your family also experienced a similar event. Really? As in your home got totally eradicated by fire?

You also tend to talk a lot about other people. You often squeeze yourself to our conversations. I find it so rude. I almost wanted to reprimand you but I never have the right.

I recognize the fact that you were deprived of that much needed family. Your parents separated. You were deprived of your Dad. If I were to explain, I guess this is the main reason why you always demand everyone’s attention. As I see it, you wanted to engage and force yourself to everyone.

I grew up in a complete family and I never knew how it feels to be in your shoes. Regardless of our differences, I wanted to tell you that you are still blessed. Don’t make us see you as a pathetic and deprived kid. There are other kids whose lives may be worst than you could ever imagine.



Award! I’m part of the WordPress family !

I purchased my domain name only to let my blog sleep again. It’s quite hard for me to write posts these days. At the same time, I feel so guilty for not being able to visit bloggers who would regularly comment and like my posts. Sorry 😦 I’m really occupied with my teaching load. Two months have passed and I’m still adjusting. Added to this is the very EFFICIENT technician who SCREWED the settings of my workplace’s desktop. I was agitated to the extent that I decided to stop complaining and phoning their office. After their supposedly preventive maintenance, they reformatted my desktop and can no longer return the original and updated settings. My internet browser was also affected and WordPress does not properly load. I can’t blog and even check your comments.

Despite my struggle to fulfill my blogging responsibilities, I was surprised to discover that Yashie passed on this award to me

Thank you Yashie!

Similar to most Liebster and other friendly blogging recognitions, allow me to pass on this seal to my few blog friends.

1. John Tugano of The Blithe and Untroubled Life – You really write well. You never failed to inspire me in your posts.

2. Addie of Betwixt and Between – Another great writer who provides me a dose of meaningful posts.

3. The Appletizer – The first nurse blogger I’ve ever encountered! We share the same sentiments and if ever we’ll meet in person, I feel that she can become one of my few good friends.

4. Musings of a Muggle in Converse – She blogs from the heart. She’s one of the few persons who have been beautifully crafted from experience.

5. Say Cheese – Humor and wit, this blog has it all!

6. Surviving Beau – I’m shy to visit and comment on her blog. But I always admire her for the courage and story of survival. She profoundly expressed my long been hidden thoughts related to her experience.

7. Tita Buds!!! – A fellow Filipina who shared her experiences and sentiments in another country. Thank for the free international tour and heart warming comments you leave in my blog.

8. Musings of a Random Mind – Thank you for taking time to read my shallow and immature rants. I enjoy reading your always meaningful posts.

9. Irene of Seven Hundred Fifty – Hey Irene! Why suddenly turn private? Whatever it is, I hope to read your blog again. You have a one-of-a-kind challenge that I anticipate reading. Your presence in my blog posts also makes me happy.

10. The Red Thinking Cap – One of the few blogs that deals with issues in the educational industry or academe. Please update your posts soon. 🙂

To the 10 bloggers I identified, thank you for coming in my blog life. It used to be that I’m the only person reading my blog. Years after, I discovered some of you and some of you also discovered me. I’m looking forward to strengthening our blogging relationship.

If you want to pass the award, please follow the following rules
1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family.
4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them.
5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people who have taken you as a friend, and spread the love.