Perfect Failure

I just came from home from a rare family reunion. As always, there’s an occasion that brought the entire family together. I was looking forward to this because this is something that doesn’t happen everyday. I also had a tiring work week so this reunion provides that much needed break.

I should have expected this to happen. Life has its own way to surprise me and this is something I always fail to remember.

We were having a great time not until other friends, relatives and guests started to arrive. What started as quality time of catching up and exchanging stories ended up as another self-imposed pathetic moment.

As people started to arrive, everything became a showcase of brand new cars, signature bags, and all those indicators of material wealth.

I hate to admit it but part of me feels envious. But to say that I’m not contented with my life because I’m envious of their material wealth, that’s not me. My enviousness arises from my long dream of becoming the best provider for my family.

I don’t have plans of bringing that luxurious life to my family. All I wanted is for my family to finally have a new car that can fit the needs of my special brother, finance the last phase of the construction of our home, build my much needed savings account, increase my investments and establish that much needed emergency fund.

I’m not asking more than enough. It feels good to be rich but deep in my heart, I know that being rich was never my dream. All I wanted is the assurance that everything will be fine . But with the way things are going, I’m way far from fulfilling any of these dreams.

I’ve been working for years. I would like to believe that in one way or another, I have humble accomplishments in my career. But achievements to uplift the economic status of my family? This is where I perfectly fail.

What’s the point of having education, career advancement and fulfilling my dream of becoming an educator if at the end of the day, my family is still struggling. I may appear so wise and successful in the eyes of my students but deep inside, I’m ashamed. I dress well and accomplish all my responsibilities at work. Unfortunately, the real reason of my hardships and struggles are never feeling my success.

I’m not asking for greater things. All I wanted is for everything to be fine.

Unfortunately, I’m a perfect failure over simple things..

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