It gets heavier

My most awaited birthday is just a day away.  As always, the excitement towards that once a year special day escalates everyday in December. However, over the past few days, I found my own pile of disappointments that caused me some heartaches. And no, I’m not talking about relationships and marriage here. Everything is just about me and my old self.

The frustration that thrived in my system for a year was the freelance clients who left me hanging in the tree of uncertainty. It started with a relative who bragged about himself paying my professional services. To this date, his payment remains as bragged words.

Months after, another set of two freelance clients came and up to this date, I have yet to receive the full payment for my rendered services. One of them paid me under indefinite terms. He gave me a couple of payments and that was it. My other client on the contrary never gave a single centavo, despite numerous but very discrete follow ups.

Another wealthy client referred by a colleague left me in that tree of uncertainty again. After producing her required outputs, I followed up for my next tasks, she never communicated with me again. Mind you, we are “friends” in Facebook.

Most of the time, I keep telling that I’m willing to ignore and forget my record breaking irresponsible clients.  However, when I think of all my hardwork and sleepless nights, I can’t help but pity myself.  I deserve to be compensated.  My current state of the equally pile of bills to pay further aggravates my self pitying moments.

As of date, I was blessed with two new clients. Of course, I don’t stereotype my clients. I’m giving everyone their fair chance. Unfortunately however, my used to be trusting and accommodating self is coupled with the fear of being denied with my hardworked payment.

In another note, I attended my first Christmas party a few days ago. Truth is, I’m half-hearted in joining that party.  Call me anti-social but I’d rather spend the night having my much awaited hair spa and waxing treatment.  I lacked believable excuses so off I went to an event I never wanted. True enough, it was a decision I regret to a certain extent. I was obliged to pay for my share in the expenses (ouch!), the venue was way far from home, I was late for work the next day, and my colds intensified and mutated to fever. What’s worst about this party, remember my last New Journey series post? I may not be the most extravagant and generous gift giver, but I know how to give decent gifts. Not that I’m expecting expensive gifts. The most I wished for is my own set of decent and useful gifts too. Unfortunately, (sorry) what I took home is a bunch of almost crappy gifts.  Copper orange socks? Seriously, where will I wear that? Powderized Paksiw? A can of Argentina corned beef?  Fine, for the spirit of Christmas, I’m letting this pass away. Next year, I will never join that troop again.

After last night, I returned to my usual routine. Teaching – Office work – Teaching – home… I thought I will almost get my much needed quota for negativities, the greatest expected surprise welcomed me home. Guess what? Another pile of bills to pay!  My cross just gets heavier every year.


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