Yesterday was supposed to be my pre-weekend breather. My teaching schedule is over and I’m usually more relaxed on Thursdays and Fridays. However, things haven’t gotten really better.
Just before the day ended I was contemplating on the bills I have to pay. It’s only now that I realized that I should be devising a smart way and a supreme sacrifice to settle them. Otherwise, I will be forever in the blackhole of debt. My only prayer is that I will never be placed in a situation where I need to leave my job. That will be the start of my calvary to suffering and death.
After finally waking up that I need to tighten my financial belt, I suddenly felt sad…. The thing is I have been battling this sadness disease lately. There are days when I finally feel blue and melancholy. After some time, it will elevate and mutate to sadness. Just last night before I left the office, my occassional sadness syndrome attacked me again. As I was riding the train, I can almost feel that I’m near to crying. But I was able to hold back my tears. It’s payday and I should be happy because my favorite brands are holding the end of season sale. For the first time however, these things failed to uplift my down spirits. It used to be that a little shopping can cure my seasonal sadness. However, this time, everything felt different. I’m sad and I can’t imagine anyone or anything to make me feel better.
Was it because of the bills to pay? I agree to a certain extent. But over the years, I believed that I have learned to handle debt as a deterrent to happiness. But now, the situation feels so different. Perhaps this is what they call as quarter life crisis. I don’t know but it’s the nearest thing I can relate with.