Day 19 – For Lani

Dear Lani,

I feel that I’m worst friend now because I can’t do anything to at least make you feel better. At this point, I know there’s nothing I can do lessen that pain and sadness. Just the thought of losing any of my parents already make me cry. How much more when the day comes that I have to finally let them go. There’s nothing in the world devastating than losing the people to whom you owe your life.  It’s equal to losing part of yourself and I know a lifetime will never be enough to accept that the two people you most love have been taken away.  If I were in your shoes now, there will never be a day when I wouldn’t cry. Everyday is a struggle of getting over mourning and grieving.

Call this as an attempt to divert your attention, but please accept this post as my futile effort to make you feel that you are loved, you deserve to be loved and you have made a lot of people feel loved. I was thankful that God chose me to become one of those people whom you showed your overflowing love. You know me, your pathetic friend badly needed all the love and attention of her few close  friends.

Three years ago, something bad happened before my birthday and Christmas. You know the story of how a careless stylist almost ruined my crowning glory. As I wasn’t used to arguments and dealing with people below, I ended up crying each night. I have other friends but only a few responded, understood or at the very least, listened to my cries and worries. But you were an exception. A text message was enough for you to listen and make me feel that I wasn’t alone, stupid and I did the right thing.  You just don’t know how much comfort you gave me that time. As they say, you were one of the few people who served as my security blanket.

When for the first time, I discovered that my heart is capable to love… you were there. You witnessed how I went crazy, annoying and pestering. You were an older sister but I now realized that you were almost a mother to me. You tolerated my stupidity and immaturity to some extent. However, I was really stupid enough not to listen when you told me to let go. You were the one who opposed of sending that text message. But as a mother who only wants the best for her kids, you had the patience to tell me to pursue my last resort with a precaution of that “smiley face.” You know that only the two of us can understand what I mean. 🙂

Most of our good old friends already have their own life.  Family and work priorities separated the once used to be as the Happy Saturday group. I suddenly miss those days… But you remained with me. You never forget me. You were the only one left among the many that were once part of the group. Perhaps, the fact that it’s only the two of us who are still single, lousy and carefree can explain why we remained with each other.  But I believe that real friendship knows no boundaries.  Thank you for being with me. I will never get tired of expressing my endless gratitude at least here in the blogosphere.

I used to have my group of best friends. Unfortunately, I chose to lose them. You taught me to lose those excess baggage in our life and make room for those things that rather makes us happy and relieved. You were right because the spare room later made way for you. You became one of the best friends I’ve been wanting in my life.

My best friend was always there in the times I needed her. But this time that she needs me, I feel so bad because the least I can do, I failed to do..

Please remain strong my best friend. I need you too. As your parents went ahead, there’s another room waiting to be filled in your life. I know that nothing could ever replace your parents in your heart. But I hope that you will also allow yourself to be loved and make that room for someone.. out there 😀 But no matter what happens, your immature friend will always be here. You know that I’m just a text message away.

Forgive me and I’m looking forward on the day when we can finally laugh out loud and share those endless stories over a great food and shopping again.

I miss one of the best things that happened in my life.


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