Day 12 – For Him

The world is celebrating Father’s day. Me? The hard headed and useless daughter is here at home and have no plans of making my Father feel special.

I’m the worst daughter. Yes, please don’t remind me more.

Today is not the best Father’s Day for my Dad. I have mentioned this in a previous post already. Someone imposed something that threatens my Dad’s employment. At his age, I know he should already be enjoying his retirement years. Problem is, my Dad loved me so much that he forgot that he still has a life. When he was younger and the family’s lone source of income is still better, my mother would always remind me that the bulk of Father’s meager income are devoted to me. He really wanted  to uplift my life. He ensured that I will be sent to the best school and I will finish my studies.

I may not have the best and financially secured life right now. If only my Father could read this, I wanted to tell him that it was never his fault. Whatever and whoever I am right now, much of it is a consequence of my actions and decisions. You have done your mission Dad.

The thing is, no matter how much I emphasize to my Dad that he has no accountability on my life now, I know that part of him is still frustrated. Such frustration is further intensified when he will soon lose his job of more than 30 years.

Just before I made this post, I asked my mother of my Father’s plan. She told me that Dad still wanted to work. He said he would be working extra for my grandfather despite his age.  My heart just melted…

Dear Dad,

I know it’s my turn now. You should be enjoying retirement after years of struggling for my life. In real life however, much of the “should be” is not meant to happen. Your unworthy daughter shamelessly admits that she is not ready for everything. I don’t know what is bound to happen to us on the next months and years. You know me. I was never good in planning my life. As always, I’ll leave things as it is right now. When the situation now compels me to be the provider, I’ll face things as they come.

My only prayer is that I will be able to withstand everything. Please forgive me because I can only provide what is enough. Please forgive me if I can’t compensate your sacrifices.

I will never blame you in case you feel a degree of regret for having me. I understand. I don’t have that much. I can’t even provide what is enough. As of now, what I can promise you is to continuously uphold the honorable and honest life you’ve shown me. I can’t level your sacrifices Dad. Never… But if only I can be half the person as you are, at least I can say that I have done something good in this life.

I’m really sorry Dad.

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