Day 6 – Is love enough?

I have mixed and confused feelings in writing this post. I do not know whether I should wish that at least one of my students will be able to read this. On the other hand, half of me is telling that I shouldn’t write my current thoughts about teaching. I should instead remain professional and keep emotional outbursts to myself.

I have shared in my other blog a recent experience I had with some of my students. The experience made me discover and open a can of worms that is somehow infesting my passion to remain in this honorable profession. I accidentally discovered the Twitter accounts of some of my students. In like manner, I have overheard some of them uttering harsh words against me. At first, I wasn’t affected. But more encounters tested my principles and character. And you know what happens next when that part of your life is being confronted. You suddenly make some reflections and decisions. It’s hard to pretend that everything is fine.

Allow me to relate this trying stage of my life by sharing how I first landed in becoming a part time educator.

After I finished college, I developed this interest over teaching. I wanted to join our school’s elite faculty and teach. Unfortunately, my own alma mater rejected my application. I was advised to pursue my masteral studies and later reapply. This was my first taste of job rejection. I was hurt so I decided to forget my dream to teach. I opted to pursue a career that relates to writing and that would be in the field of research. I wanted to become a part of a company where I will be responsible in producing those critical researches that can be used as reference for decision making. This time, God never failed me. After tireless months of job search, I landed in an academic institution. This is my first job where I learned to grow and earn a number of opportunities.

Working in an academic institution gave me the privilege to earn my masteral degree. I took advantage of the opportunity and a few years ago, I earned one of my greatest accomplishments, my MBA.

When I was already equipped with the qualification to teach, I forgot the dream and I was contented with my 8 am to 5 pm office job. However, God perhaps wanted me to fulfill my dream. The management of our school gave me the chance to teach. Honestly, I was initially reluctant to accept the opportunity. However, I guess my dream and passion to teach is something fear cannot conquer.  If the dream really thrives in your blood, then no mountains can overpower its fulfillment.  I started to teach and up to this date, I continue to embrace the job.

Teaching has compensated me by making me experience the dream I used to dream. Though I am not supposed to say this but teaching does not provide the sky rocketing pay we are all dreaming of.  And with all honestly, I can say that I never mind the slim figures in my teaching pay slip. I don’t mind all those sleepless nights of checking and reviewing papers and patiently following up all outputs. I wasn’t teaching to be paid. I teach because it is a dream, an opportunity which was entrusted to me.

As much as I wanted to continuously accept this honorable job, some circumstances and forces are giving me reasons to quit.

I never wished for any accomplishment, recognition, awards or even a word of gratitude from teaching. I am contented  seeing my students graduate and live up with their careers.  That is the least I am expecting from teaching or better yet to my students. However, I never realized that teaching has its own ways of providing me another form of heartaches, agonies and devastation.

I know kids naturally dislike their teachers. I was once one of those kids too. But to receive harsh words and being served with different actions of disrespect during classes are just two of the most painful things that happened in my life.

I never confronted and humiliated anyone. This is the last thing I would do. This is likewise the main reason why I don’t really reprimand a kid in front of everyone. I always remain to be discreet and diplomatic. But my composure and principles are now tested in the water.

I love teaching but if it will become a constant fuel of my stress, agonies and dwindling self-worth and respect, I might as well reflect and think about of still pursuing this profession.

My current situation tests my principles and character. Is love for the profession enough? What if that love has been responsible for all those pains and heartaches? Should I choose to torture myself and believe that everything happens for a reason?

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