For the most special person in my life

Every time I express my love to my family through a blog post, I feel that I am just making a cheesy, dramatic and exaggerated post My writing style is not inclined to produce those heart warming and tearful posts. I will never be a great storyteller or an inspirational writer.  The fact that I am not the most thoughtful and affectionate person in the world could perhaps explain. The most that I can do is as always, try.

This day is so special to my parents because it marks the 32nd birthday of my special brother. Not everyone knows that I have a special brother. Even some of my friends and colleagues are not aware of my brother’s existence. I admit though that I avoid to talk about him. Not because I am selfish or ashamed of him. People just can’t understand that whenever I talk or think about him, my heart starts to silently weep. That’s how special is my brother to me and my family.

My brother is my only sibling. He was born healthy. Unfortunately, he was stricken with Meningitis when we was around 6 months old. The disease affected his nervous system making him paralyzed all his life. He lives the life like that of a baby. He can’t walk. He needs to be fed and the saddest part, he can’t communicate. He can’t express his feelings. He can’t say what pains and makes him happy. We were all dependent on watching him cry and occasionally smile. And for me, that is the most painful part of reality that we have to endure.

The doctor told my parents that my brother will surely went ahead of them.  He has a shorter life expectancy. Two years ago, my parents brought him to our family doctor and she was surprised to see my brother. The doctor said she didn’t expect my brother to live for 30 years. I know we will be facing this harsh reality of life but when God decides to take my brother, the person that would be most affected is my mother. She took care of my brother all throughout her life. They were together every single day for 32 years.

It’s my brother’s birthday and instead of talking about sad things, I should be happy and thankful because we have him. But as I have said, whenever I talk about him, my heart just is overwhelmed with worries and sadness.

If only my brother can communicate with me, there are countless things I’d like to tell him. In my 27 years of existence, all I have are suppressed words of love and gratitude. It really pains and frustrates me whenever I think about my unsaid sentiments. I hope God has a way to relate my message to my brother.

I used to be a loner back in my Elementary days. I have rare friends and during those times, I’ve always wished that I have you as my best friend. What I failed to realize was that God gave me more than a brother. Having you in our lives was more than enough reason to be thankful than to become self pitiful.

Nanay would always tell me that all of Daddy’s earnings are devoted to me.  They are investing and relying much on me. Whenever I receive failing marks, Nanay would always tell me that I am so fortunate. If you were also studying, I will surely lose the opportunity of going to an expensive school.

When I started working and rebeled with my bad spending habits, Nanay would always remind me about you. Nanay would tell me to save because in the future, I am the only person to be depended in the future. Soon enough, I will be the bread winner.

But even though I am pressured with a lot of responsibilities to the family, I never felt any form of hatred against you. I never saw you as an obligation to fulfill.

You never uttered any word all throughout your life, but you were able to taught me the greatest thing about life, to love. You made me understand the real meaning of love. You made me see the beauty of love. You made me feel the power of love. You made me realize that pains and sacrifices are nothing once you knew how to really love.

I dreamt about you months ago. The dream looks so real and it bothered me for days. You told me two powerful words, “thank you.” You never talked but that dream was powerful enough to make me feel those words. It made me cry for days. A friend told me that perhaps that was your way of telling me that you appreciate all my efforts for the family.

If you could hear me, I want you to know how much I am thankful for coming to our lives. I love you and I will never get tired working for you, Nanay and Daddy. The three of you will always be the reason why I live and work  every single day.

Happy Birthday.

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5 comments

  1. Diane, I was once told by a friend that God gives us these gifts because he knows that we can handle them.

    You will achieve your dreams someday.

    I am very proud of you.

    1. Hi Jen! Thanks a lot. I appreciate every rare positive comment in my blog. I would also like to reconnect and learn more about you and motherhoood even in the blogosphere! I’m so glad to find you here 🙂

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