Day 16 – Which way to go?

Still contemplating on that one major decision …

I never prayed for this opportunity. I never asked for it. The opportunity never even occurred in my thoughts and imagination. I was limited in admiring people who were given this rare opportunity.

Almost a year ago, one of the few people who believed in my capability, handed me a letter. I know I will never make it. If I were to choose, I would just keep the document and throw it after some time. But out of respect and gratitude to that person who constantly believed in me, I accomplished the application form and submitted my requirements. A day before the deadline and minutes before leaving the office, I sent my documents through email and intentionally buried everything. I submitted for the sake of saying that I tried and I didn’t waste the opportunity.

At that time when the opportunity came, I was unwell. I was sick with the mediocrity of my life. I lost enthusiasm in my job and my life. I suddenly felt that I don’t anymore have dreams. I have a stable job, I still have my parents and I have friends. Everything in my life was alright but I was sick and unhappy. At the end of the day, I often find myself shedding tears of unexplained depression. This was also the point of my life when I realized that deep inside, I am a very sad person.

Months after the submission date, I received an email confirming that my application was accepted. The happiness was different. The feeling was like I was brought back to life. I was all of a sudden alive after months of suffering from the coma of sadness and emptiness. I wake up counting the days and planning everything. My boss was even supportive of this opportunity. Everything was perfectly getting in place.

I was in bliss for a number of weeks. I never imagined the power of an email to change my life. What once uplifted me devastated me to the fullest. For reasons beyond my control, the opportunity was taken away.

I had no choice but to let go and move on. Life went on and I accepted my fate. I lived and coped with my life’s mediocrity.

I thought everything was over not until another email arrived. The opportunity was once again knocking. Same opportunity but this time things are different and I guess more complicated. I need to raise funds, conquer my fear and do things on my own.

I am faced with two choices; accept the opportunity and take the risks or refuse the opportunity, move on and later on regret and blame myself.

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