Thankful

I’m typing this post on a Friday night. Another work week passed. Another weekend to look forward. To cap off the week, I had a great dinner with one of my friends. On the way home, I was reminded of my financial struggle. I began to over-analyze and along the way, I remember this blog. It has been months since I last opened and made an entry. I felt quite guilty because years ago, I promised myself to get better. I wanted to document something positive in this blog. Sadly, I don’t see any progress to myself. I remain as a failure. Or to make it a little positive, I’m still a work in progress.

But rather than dwelling with my mess, I’d like to write on the things I’m thankful for. My life maybe in a mess but once in a while, there are people who help me get through life. They make life easier in so many ways.

My parents – I cannot imagine my life without them. They love me above anything else. They support my endeavors. They make my life easier in the best way they can.

The few good friends – I treat them as my family.  I would not have survived half of my struggles without them. Their presence is more than enough to keep me going.

Some of my cousins – For helping me build the happiest memories with the family

Supportive colleagues – I may not be friends with them but I have a few colleagues, who make work life so much easier.

The accommodating sales personnel  and all customer service officers – I needed to replace my purchase. I needed to update my bank account details. I requested for some adjustments on my orders. I sought for a possible discount. The delivery man, who made all means to deliver my item. Hearing them saying that my request has been approved is music to my ears. Thank you for doing your job.

A former mentor – She has been giving me a lot of freelance works. More than the money, I’m thankful that she trusts my capability and gives me opportunities to pursue it.

I may have forgotten some. At the end of the day, I’m beyond thankful to everyone who stayed and supported me all the way.

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Simple Problems, Complicated Solutions

A few weeks ago, a friend eavesdropped a conversation among the employees of this government agency in Manila. The group of elder women were relating the story of a retiring colleague. The colleague had a conflict with a high ranking official, a few months away his retirement day.

Unfortunately, the case appeared like another story of a high ranking official taking advantage of his position.

On the last few months at work, the retiring colleague was filed with charges. He was questioned for a missing desktop computer and an electric fan. One of the elder women said that as consequence, the retiring colleague will be deprived of his retirement benefits.

Cases like these are not new to me. This happens even in the company where I work for. During property inventory, some office equipment appear missing. Though most of the time, there were no form of theft established. Common reasons are evolve on the following

  1. The equipment has been transferred or borrowed by another office. Unfortunately, there were no  paper trail to support, only accounts of employees who knew the situation.
  2. The equipment, particularly computers, have been replaced. The old or replaced unit has been collected by the IT Office, kept in the storage and later, disposed to the junk shop. Again, the lack of paper evidences to support the turnover happened in this case.
  3. The equipment is no longer useful. It was set aside for disposal. Someone disposed the equipment and the accountable person or owner forgot about everything

Much as I don’t want to diminish the professionalism of the high ranking official, I find it absurd to to deprive someone of his retirement benefits just because of a lost dilapidated computer and probably, a century old electronic fan.

Rather than filing a case to Civil Service Commission, which surely entails a lot of paper work and energy draining hearings, why not compel the retiring employee to pay or replace the missing equipment? If such is not enough, the high ranking official can probably reassess the value  of the missing equipment. In return, the retiring employee can be ordered to settle such amount. Added to this, I think the management of the government agency has its own fault. How come no one is performing property inventory or audit on a regular basis?

My assumptions maybe inaccurate, but this incident gave me an idea of how situations are handled among government agencies. It’s a classic case of how personal issues and positions are used to take revenge or oppress lower ranking employees. I can’t also help but imagine how many similar cases exist? How can a century old government agency cannot implement improvement efforts? How some people failed to realise that simple problems, treated with complicated solutions, actually breed more problems.

6 months

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I can’t believe it has been 6 months since I made my last post. In the previous years, I managed to maintain at least one post per month. This year, I was missing in action for almost half a year. I have a lot of thoughts to write. I never run out of personal struggles to share or rant. It’s just that I never found the time to organize my thoughts. I’m also easily distracted, blame my social media accounts.  Everything is in my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Whenever I find something to write, my system will always find a way for me to forget it.

Despite my absence, my blog managed to become active. I’m regularly receiving comments on some of my posts. In particular, my posts about my job interview and application from Metrobank, job application from GSIS and my thoughts and experience with Club Ultima. This brings me, these posts made me discover a technique on how to increase hits, interaction and reader engagement. I swear, writing reviews whether good or bad is a great way to bring people to your  blog.

I’m afraid I have to cut this post short. I’m still bound to accomplish a freelance work. I badly needed the job income to replace an unexpected LCD damage in my laptop.

Wishing everyone a great weekend ahead!

 

 

 

 

 

Grandpa

Today, we laid my remaining grandparent to rest. My Grandpa, who everyone fondly called Lolo, was reunited with my Lola (Grandma) on her birthday.

The last years of  Lolo involved countless trips to the hospital. It started with his eyesight problems. He developed problems in his digestive system. Later, his excretory system was affected. He underwent a sensitive operation two years ago. He survived and recovered only to suffer from stroke almost a year ago. We celebrated his 93rd birthday last November and the past months meant seeing him deteriorate each day. Though we live in the same city, I rarely see my Lolo. It was my cousins, uncles and aunties who ensured his safety and comfort.

Last Thursday, I fell asleep in our living room after a long day at work. I was tired. I was looking forward for the long weekend. Around 10 pm, my phone has been receiving endless calls and text messages. My cousins were looking for my Dad. Lolo is at his worst stage. We spent the last hours of the day until Lolo held his last breath.

After the funeral, we went home together. We rode Lolo’s jeepney and just like that, we felt happy and sentimental. That jeepney was Lolo’s main source of income. It financed his medical expenses and looking back, the jeepney served as our playground. It was Lolo’s means to spoil the desires of his grandchildren. We made road trips, watched cycling races, went to family events riding Lolo’s most treasured jeepney.

Unlike most of my cousins, it was hard for me to cry. Not that I’m suppressing my emotions or don’t feel affected. My Lolo will always have a special place in my heart. I will always remember the time when me and my cousins entered a large supermarket in Quezon City.  We were allowed to get anything we wanted from the chips and candies section. In 1992, he gave me Php 2,000 to open a bank account. At that time, I was a kid, who wanted to act like an adult, with her own savings passbook account. When my classes was scheduled in the afternoon, it was Lolo’s school bus who took me to school. And recently, I remember how Lolo contributed in shaping the current state of my career and work life.  Every Sunday, my Lolo would buy a copy of the Manila Bulletin. On Sunday night, I would take home the copy of the classified ads section. I noticed a job vacancy in the Research Department of an old school in Manila. I sent my application via email and the rest is history. Thirteen years passed, I’m still with the same company albeit in another office and position.

In times like this, much of myself is overpowered with fear. I don’t know if I can handle sickness and death within my family, my parents and lone special brother. With my Lolo, I have responsible cousins who took charge of everything. Whenever someone close to my heart suffers from sickness and death, part of me feels so frightened and nervous. Will I be able to handle everything? Being the family’s bread winner, the entire fate and future of my family is on my hands.

While my heart weeps for Lolo, I’m eaten by my own anxiety. Maybe this would last for several days. But once my real life (work and grown up concerns) starts to settle, everything will go away. I hope so….

To my dearest Lolo in heaven, thank you for everything you’ve done for the family. Thank you for the endless love and support to all your grandchildren. I will miss you dearly, family reunions will never be the same again. Please pray for me and the entire family. Help me forget all my fears, worries and guide me in every endeavor I undertake.

It was just another day

Yesterday, while everyone has been engrossed over the rare appearance of the Blue Moon, I quietly traveled home feeling melancholy. It was supposedly a great day at work because a colleague celebrated her birthday and we had a sumptuous lunch. Added to this, I don’t have evening classes. It’s one of the rare times I was able to reach home early.    Unfortunately, I had another sadness and frustration episode again. Blame everything on the contents of my Facebook newsfeed. In some days, my newsfeed is like poison that attacks the immune system of my emotional well being.

I work for a relatively small organization. It’s an institution where everybody knows everybody, especially among the segment of my fellow support staff. It has it’s own advantages because getting the job done meant dealing with lesser number of people. On the flip side, office politics is easily felt among the ranks. I have been both a silent witness and victim of people who promoted and ventured in this system. What’s worst, the people, who once told me how much they hate politics, have become its perfect ambassadors.

Yesterday, I chanced a post from someone whom I thought as my friend. The post was proof that being loyal to a powerful force can really be advantageous. It can take you to places, money and different forms of material wealth. I initially thought I’m just bitter, envious and another sore loser. After some time, I realised some unhealed wounds are starting to live again. The pain came after and soon enough, I found myself in tears.

Many years ago, I was always afraid of work. Even now that I’m seeking for new job opportunities, I’m frightened of the new environment and responsibilities. In my more than a decade of working, I realised that work eventually becomes manageable over time. You struggle, learn and eventually discover how to untie the challenges of the accomplishing the work. Beyond the task involved on each work, it’s the people and culture that come with it become the real source of struggle.

I’m not a perfect employee. I have tardiness records. I steal office hours lurking over my social media accounts. There were days when I extend my breaks to accomplish personal errands. While I have imperfections, I compensate for productivity, honesty and service beyond expectations. Modesty aside, no one can accuse me of not delivering my responsibilities. And even without support for trainings and development, I find ways to learn new things and improve the quality of my reports. I even render overtime without pay, even when it meant reporting on weekends.

While I don’t expect the management to compensate my hardwork, the least I wanted to happen is to witness how some people gain as a result of holding on to a powerful individual. This brings me, an unfortunate reality at the workplace is that, loyalty is always rewarded and hardwork will most likely be discarded.

Unfortunately, the concept of loyalty I’m dealing with here, does not lean on the honourable side. It’s full surrender to someone who can provide them gains, without experiencing the real hardwork. What these people fail to realize, there’s something beyond the gains. It’s that sense of accomplishment that I have worked hard for everything I have. But no matter how much I emphasize this thought, some things just work out that way. Bad people are always part of every life story.

Then again, this was just another day when life reminded me of some painful realities. Painful enough to make me lose my diminishing self-esteem and further demoralize my demotivated self.